


The Difference Between a Slut and a Prude

by Shadeyrain



Category: Team Fortress 2
Genre: Angst, Comfort, Eventual Smut, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Light Bondage, M/M, Masturbation, Musical Inspirations, Panic Attacks, Porn With Plot, Vivid Descriptions of Anxiety
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-11-03
Updated: 2015-07-18
Packaged: 2018-02-24 00:12:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 36,300
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2560910
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shadeyrain/pseuds/Shadeyrain
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What better to run from but his own past? Scout maybe literally running, but Medic's journey began a very long time ago, and in a less literal way. Scout doesn't want to stop. If he had his way, he never would.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Join a Server with Instant Respawn Time.

Everybody knew Scout was a slut. Every single one of them slept with him on some occasion or another, but that isn't saying much. Out there in that desert, everybody could find an excuse for sleeping with anybody that caught their eye. When Miss Pauling came around, they were on best behavior. But in the meanwhile it got lonely and the bunker got awfully cold at night.

  
When night rolled around, after a good day of battle and Respawn shut down for the night, most of them found somebody or another to slink into bed with. Between most of them, it was a friendship kind of thing. Sharing a bed was only expected after the bloodshed of the day.

  
Unless you were the Medic.

  
Everyone knew Medic was a prude. Not even the Spy could crack his shell, with which he would sometimes boast that he had cracked all of their shells. Spy even admit that he could never catch Medic in the act of masturbation. He might even wonder if the doctor had sexual organs if he had not seen them himself in the public showers.

  
Between all of the team mates, they held the utmost of respect. Nobody was allowed to hold nightly acts against anyone during the day. Everybody knew Scout was a slut and Medic was a prude, but neither things were held against them. Except between the Medic and the Scout.

  
Sometimes, after a match, the boys would clean up in the showers together. Sometimes, in the showers, things could heat up. And Scout was usually the one to heat it up or just in the middle of it all, attempting to be the focal point. They would ask the Medic to join, but all they got in return was a grimace and a tart comment in German that they were all sure would translate into some form of curse. The comments, for some reason, usually got longer and harder on his tongue when it was from Scouts mouth the invitation came.

  
Scout seemed to find some deviant form of pleasure in making the Medic uncomfortable. Anytime he could gather enough lewdness to make Medic grimace at his acts, the brighter his smile beamed that day.

 

"Halt den schmutzigen mund.” He'd mutter as he grappled with his Medigun and the Scout grinned at him from his locker.

  
“I don't know about you, but all that German coming from your mouth makes me think I need to be taught a lesson. Maybe you can spank me?” The horrified look that crossed Medic's face made Scout guffaw loudly, and finally shove away from his locker.

  
“I would take it upon myself to teach you the error in your ways, Herr Scout, if I thought I could.” The Medic granted, staring at the Scout for a few moments. The Scout snorted.

  
“I'm a fast learner, Medic. Just give me a little treat and I'll be begging on my knees ready to take your Deutsch wurst in my klaffend lo--”

  
“Nein! Shut up! Do not butcher my language with your lewd words. I swear to you, should you continue, I will not hesitate to cut you open and let you carefully bleed out on the ground where you are unable to Respawn until the match is almost finished.” The Medic watched a smirk curl on the Scouts face. The fact that the Scout had purposefully learned a few words of his native tongue, specifically because they affected him, was....the Medic had no clue how to feel about it. On the face of it he rather hated that the Scout wanted to get to him so much as to tread where no one else dared. On the right hand, he was intrigued by how much Scout hated him, enough to learn something new. On the left, he felt shivers for the words he was hearing not though his English filter.

  
They went to battle, and that day something rather interesting happened near mid-match. The Medic had been blown to bits by the BLU soldier after running into from around a corner. His heavy was still out on the point, and he had been hurriedly trying to catch up to him. Once he respawned, he decided to take out an experimental version of his syringe gun, and while switching out the weapon, the Scout respawned.

  
There was a look of absolute horror on his face. He looked completely devastated, it was not a look Medic was use to seeing on the Scout's usually smut face. Medic raised an eyebrow at him, question clear on his angular face. It took no longer than two seconds before the Scout looked down at his feat and his jaw gaped, finally answering his unspoken question.

  
“The BLU teams soldier...He...he killed me.”

“It would seem that is why you are here.”

“Yeah but you know those few seconds where you just kind of wait for respawn and you can still feel the pain and see whats going on?”

 

  
“Ja.”  
“He picked up my head and started....” The Scout blanched, and then smacked his lips. “He fucked my corpse, Medic.” Scout's eyes swiveled up to stare into his eyes. “Who does that?!” He seemed to shake all over, but the Medic was a little surprised by his obvious reservations.

  
“I was under the impression that you would have little care for what happens with your body.” Scout blanched again and shook his head and whole body in defiance.

  
“Sure when I'm alive I don't really care but fucking a dead persons corpse is just wrong, Medic.”

  
“So even you have a line to draw.” He gathered his medipack onto his shoulders, and rearranged his coat as his new toy swung into place underneathe it.

  
“I got respect for the dead, at least!” He finally moved when the Demoman spawned and took a look between the two of them, quizical but then indifferent as he moved on and out of the room. Scout staggered over to the bench in front of their lockers, and heaved a shuttering sigh as he sat down.

  
“Perhaps you understand where I come from now when I say that what you participate in makes me shutter just the same.” He watched a dawning come across the Scouts face. His chest seemed to sink as he thought the implications of his statement.

  
“Yeah, Doc. I guess...” He managed. But as the doctor watched him, he realized this had really taken some kind of toll on the Scouts precious mind.

  
“Do not fret anymore, Herr Scout.” The doctor sighed as he moved closer. He set a gloved hand on his back. “It was a tactic to bring your morale down, and should you let it work we will fail in our match today. You are a vital member of our team.” At that the Scout sighed. And then something furious came over him as he stood.

  
“You're right, Doc! I'm getting right back out there to make that god damn pedophile pay for what he did.” He heard the doctor chuckle at him.

  
“The word you are looking for is necrophile, Herr Scout. Pedophilia is the lust of children.” The Scout scowled but ran a hand over his hat as if he did not wear it.

  
“Yeah that. I'll make him pay.”

The Scout did make him pay. More than once, shouting at the top of his lungs and celebrating every time he did. It almost made the Medic smile when he heard an overenthusiastic “TAKE THAT BLU NACRE-PHILE!” But most of the time Medic was busy with his own battle, and by the time the match was almost over and the Scout was busy again making his point, he even shouted for him to help take the point and forget about the Blu Soldier.

  
Everyone was beat by the end of that match. But they had won. Heavy lumbered by the lockers, only stopping to place Sasha in her designated spot before beginning to strip and head towards the showers. Everybody else had the same idea, though most were a little slower about going about it.

  
“We almost didn't have it there at the end.” Engie sighed as he unbuckled his toolbelt and hefted it into the locker. He set his wrench in and his PDA carefully under it.  
“That would be without Medic, that is.” Demo laughed jubilantly as he scrubbed his sweaty face with his cap.

  
“It was nothing, I assure you.” Medic modestly said as he sat on the bench, unloading his medipack and slipping off his labcoat.

  
“Demo's right, Doc. You really pulled your weight out there tonight.” Sniper chimed as he balanced his rifle against one of the lockers and began to unlock his own.  
  
“Regardless of who pulled what out there, we could have done better!” The Soldier, as always, griped as he pulled off his belt and overshirt.

  
“Whatever. I say we celebrate with a few booze and a lot of sex!” The Pyro had popped his hood off and was scrunching his chubby face with a devious smile. The blonde, almost as much as Scout, loved sharing in both things.

  
“Whoa, question.” The Sniper stopped before things got heated between any of them. He turned to the Scout, who stood shirtless and quiet. “Why were you running around out there shouting about someone being a necrophile, Scout?” He moved to put away his bat and scattergun, and froze for a moment. The Medic watched him as the Scout grimaced.

  
“BLU team's Soldier fucked my corpse before respawn took care of me. I made him pay real good for that stunt.” He grumbled for them to hear. At the statement, their Soldier looked horrified, and the rest stood uneasily as the Scout looked upset and began to unwind his hands of their wrappings. “I really just want to get all this blood off my body and go to bed.”

  
“Scout is turning down sex?” The Pyro stood with his hands to his chest like it was unheard of. It really was unheard of. The Medic looked over him with a pique of interest as the Scout nodded.

  
“Sorry Pyro, I know I promised but some things just ruin everything for the night.” He scowled as he leaned back against his locker, now. His hands were red were his wrappings had been too tight.

  
“S'okay Pyro, I gotcha tonight.” The Demo winked his one good eyes at him, which just really looked like his blinks. But Pyro giggled and brightened from his disappointment, and joined the Demo as

he trod off to the showers. The Soldier said nothing to Scout, thinking perhaps it would be wise to let him alone for a change, and followed the Demo into the showers. Engie gave an akward clearing of the throat, but also desided to leave it be and take his shower as well.

  
“If ya change your mind, you know where to find us, Scout.” Sniper gave him an uncharacteristicly genuine look of worry before going on to join the others. It left the Scout in the presences of just the Spy and the Medic, both who wore much more than he and seemed to want to stall from showering. The Spy stood away from the lockers, his coat draped neatly on a chair patiently lighting his cigarette. He seemed to either be contemplating something, or not give a shit in the first place. And then he spoke.

  
“Monsieur Scout, it truly is unusual that you choose to sit out on the festivities of the night.” He commented, watching the Scout as he sighed. The Spy looked down to his chest, and noticed that there was a browning bloodstain on his collar, and sighed harshly as he left his smoke to dangle from his teeth as he untied the knot at his neck.

  
“You try getting fucked in the mouth after you're dead, then we'll talk.”

“I assure you, many times after use of my Dead Ringer have I witnessed the damn Soldier violate my body.”

  
“Yeah but you didn't have to sit in that body. It's being helpless to stop it that really gets to me. That and I was actually dead, not just pretend dead. Pretend Dead is different, Spy.” At that the Spy shrugged. Scout had a point.

“Herr Scout I am impressed that you abstain from your usual activities tonight, even while you abstain out of horror.” The Scout sneered at Medic as he stood from the bench.

  
“Yeah well tomorrow I'll have to fuck somebody twice as hard to get it out of my brain, but until then be as impressed as you want to be.”

  
“Perhaps today could be the start of your schooling on proper behaviors.” The glum look on Scouts face was far from the look he would usually give, which ranged from a lewd smirk to some kind of angry frown.

  
“As long as it doesn't include being fucked in the mouth while waiting for respawn to kick in I am all for it.” He seemed to brush off the idea that Medic was being completely serious. The Medic looked up to see if the Spy had heard the Scout, but the Spy was gone, coat, smoke and all.


	2. This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things

Scout grimaced as he woke the next morning. He had stolen a case of booze from the mini-fridge in the rec-room and gotten drunk until he began to puke, where in he finally decided to turn off the shitty gameshows and fall asleep. But he remembered lastnight before they went in to shower, Medic had said to meet him the next morning in the infirmary. He didn't recall the reason why, though knowing the medic it was probably something stupid. But he had said he was going to be there, and Scout never took back his word.

  
He pulled on his pants and an undershirt, and slunk to his bathroom to quickly brush his teeth, but otherwise did nothing to tame his hair or even attempt to cover how hung over he felt. He shuffled out of his room and down the hall to find the doors to the infirmary shut. Not unusual but also not a good sign. This usually meant the Medic didn't want to be bothered.

  
He didn't knock. Sometimes people would knock, especially when they knew Medic was in a dissecting kind of mood, but Scout never knocked anyway, so he went right in.

  
The Medic was at his desk, sorting through paperwork. He turned when he heard Scout shut the door behind him, and noticed that he did so carefully. No loud noises.

  
“I see you got rather drunk last night.” The Medic commented, sounding not a lick sorry about his situation. Scout didn't need his pity.

  
“Sure did. Only regretting not waking up to an aching asshole, is all.” Scout smirked, and it was rather apparent he had either forgotten all about the day before or chosen to get over it anyway. He seemed to be back to his old self, and he took a seat without being asked to. The Medic sighed harshly, and went right back to his paperwork.

  
Why he had thought the Scout might have been changed was beyond him. He had grabbed at the moment of clarity in the Scouts mind lastnight, and invited him to speak this morning to see if he had changed. Of course he was wrong about this.

  
“The same as always.” He grumbled as the Scout relaxed into his wooden chair like it were a throne.

  
“Didja think one little corpse fucking would make me celibate for the rest of my life like you, Doc?” He laughed a little, following with a moan as he nursed his temple of the jarring noise he had made himself.

  
“Nein.” He murmured, looking closely over the rims of his glasses at a page before removing it from a stack of neat papers. Scout stayed silent, for the moment, at first watching the doctor work. But his gaze wandered the room, flitting from thing to thing, occasionally studying something or another of interest to him. Medic noticed that Scout particularly found interest in the flocking of pigeons and doves near the door to his bedroom, but also looked sideways at the stand where his medigun was set up at while not in use. But the silence didn't last.

  
“Why are you so against sex, anyway, doc?” He asked, seemingly genuinely. The Medic lifted his head and stared hard at the boy asking questions, and wondered if he even deserved an answer. He sighed, and pinched the bridge of his nose.

  
“It is not that I am against sex, Scout. I am abhorred by your lack of dignity while you flaunt sex as though it were nothing to you.” He explained. The Scout stared back at the Medic as he thought about what he meant by that.

“Everybody has sex, Doc. It's nothing to be ashamed of.” He said slowly. The doctor shook his head again and sighed.

  
“I am not ashamed of having sex. Unlike you, I find pleasure in privacy and intimacy.” The Scout blinked at him. When he saw that the Scout was not understanding what he said, he dropped his hand from his face and refrained from crumpling the pages in his hand but setting them down, then swiveling to face him. “I have had sex, Scout. Perhaps you think me a virgin, but I know the pleasures of the act. I do not like having sex for everyone to see, nor do I like having sex with everyone I know.” He seemed to finally get through. The Scout started, a concerned frown on his face.

  
“Ah, but that's the best part, Doc! How can you know what you like until you try it all? And people watching you makes it like, better in every way it makes ya feel like your a porn star or something.” The Scout smiled halfheartedly, but the Medic only gave him a flat frown.

  
“That's your problem, Scout. Have you ever even had intimate sex before?” At that Scout blinked.

  
“Yeah, Of course I have.” He said, with no other explanation. The Medic gave a more incredulous stare.

“Do you know the definition of intimacy, Herr--”

  
“Me and my girl back home use to sleep in together and have sex after we woke up. And I use to make her pancakes and bacon with eggs for lunch on those days and we would watch cartoons all day.” This had the desired effect on the Medic. His brows shot up to his hairline, and he watched as the Scouts face turned from dreamy and reminiscent to downright smug. “I know the meaning, Doc. Doesn't make the alternate any less hot.”

  
“You surprise me, Herr Scout. That is much more than I though you capable of.”

  
“That's the point.” The Bostonian shrugged and then looked at Medic, waiting. The Medic said nothing, unsure as what the Scout wanted. He didn't wait long before the Scout got impatient.

  
“So? I told you why I sleep around--”

  
“Nein. You said nothing of the sort.”

  
“Oh.” He screwed up his lips and thought about what he actually said. It seemed he thought the context of his words and the conversation would explain his reasons. The Medic rolled his eyes. “You see, I know how to be intimate. But I save that for the ones I have real, romantic feelings for, Doc. But I ain't gonna tie a tight, pretty little bow over my balls and let them go blue all the while. And it's just easier to sleep around with everybody so nobody gets left out.” He smiled as he finished, nodding in approval of his final answer. “So?? What's your excuse?” The Scout scooted forward in his chair, seemingly genuinely interested. The Medic mulled over the Scouts idea of sex and love, and then sighed.

  
“Truthfully, I have occasionally slept with Herr Heavy. He is good enough to me to stay silent on the fact, though in telling you I assume all will know about it after this.” Scout nearly choked, but only because he was laughing. Medic scowled, and then jerked away to return to the pages on his desk.

  
“Nah, Nah. I'm sorry, keep going Doc. It's just a funny mental picture cause I only ever see Heavy jerkin off while the rest of us do it so its like I never seen him fuck anybody in the ass and thinking of you and him its just MAN your ass must get sore!” He couldn't contain his laughter by the end of his rambling. The Medic grit his teeth, but his cheeks glowed softly and his hands hovered over his work.

  
“Heavy is usually the one with sore ass.” He grumbled, barely audible. But Scout caught it with his perfect hearing, and it startled the Medic when Scout stood straight up and his chair tumbled over behind him.

  
“No way! I can't hardly believe you and Heavy would be fuck buddies, but he lets you stick it to him too?? That big guy?” He was so red from laughing Medic thought he might pass out with the news, but Scout just laughed some more and left his chair toppled on the floor. This time he perched his hip on Medic's desk. “Man, Medic, you're better than I thought you were. We might be able to get along after all!” The Medic rolled his eyes again.

  
“I should have told you nothing.” He muttered. He stared with malice at the hip perched on his desk, but when he looked up at the Scouts face, he felt a familiar tingle run up his spine from when the Scout was speaking in his language. Only this time it spawned from the look the Scout was giving him.

“So? What's the hold up on sleeping with me? Or anybody else, really...?” Medic frowned.

  
“I prefer my space, and most of the others only want me to join while YOU insist on it.” At his words, Scout looked genuinely hurt.

  
“So that's just it? You don't wanna mess around with me? You keep that hot bod all to yourself just because of me? How selfish of you!” He then made a grand, rather annoying, gesture and grabbed at his heart melodramaticly, and then fell as if he had been struck there, sprawling out onto his desk. The Medic stood as he immediately started to wail like a child and wiggle around as if in pain or being tickled. It put his papers into disorganization, and was going to put him behind in work for at least another few hours.

  
“Gott verdammt, Scout!” He shouted, growling as the Scout stopped his caterwauling and smirked up at the Medic. Medic had to calm down. He had to, the stress was going to rise if he thought about all the work that just went to waste. But also he had to figure out how to get the Scout out of his infirmary before he started speaking German again. Medic realized that combined with the faces he was making, the position he lay in, and any of his native tongue rolling off his lips, the Medic would not be able to handle it. “Get out!” He turned to face the runner, and realized it was very obvious, his tented crotch. Flushing from embarrassment, he turned away again, all his anger deflating as his embarrassment won over. Scout sat up, not unaware of the growing blush on the Medic's face. His skivvy smirk grew as he looked down at the papers on the table, making a vague gesture to try to straighten them.

  
“Why, Herr Medic,” Scout rumbled. It was not expected, for such a low sound to come from such a tiny boy, “You look ill. Perhaps I should examine the cause of your fever.” This he said in flawless German, to Medic's absolute dismay. But that couldn't be quite right. He was missing his Boston accent, his words were too perfect. He fully expected Scout to stumble over the words, in fact found it rather endearing when he had before. Medic blinked, and looked back at the Scout who sat up now with his hip perched on his desk again, as before.

  
“Fine then, Doc. I'll verlassen.” He rolled his eyes and stood, arms crossed on his stomach, a pout to match his posture. This was the voice he knew. No deep rumble, or perfect German. Just Scout and his accent that sounded hilarious when applied to his native tongue and his lean body headed for the door which was more than he could even ask for.


	3. There's Probably a Meaningful Quote For This Out There

Medic realized, belatedly, that he had been daydreaming. Or hallucinating. It was a rather unpleasant sign, and probably meant he was much too pent up, sexually. The boy was the last person he would ever think to fantasize about. He just happened to be in the right place at the right time. But also, he thought, the idea of the Scout, such a lewd and appalling man with no reservations for privacy or nudity, had divulged something he thought of as intimate. That had, more than any of it, stuck to his brain. Medic wondered if the Scout had stayed committed to said girl, from before. Or if he had slept around just as much. 

Yes, the Medic thought the worst of Scout. He did not agree with his fundamental ideals or give much thought as to why the Scout acted the way he did. But in light of the conversation they had just had, and the fantasy that jumped out at him, he realized that Scout wondered about him. Scout had been genuinely interested in his sex life, which was appalling at first but seemed to bring to light an understanding in Scout that he had not had before. And he now understood something about Scout that he had not thought about before, either. Not that he had thought about Scout in anyway other than with disgust.

Of course, when he went to shower that night, he found the Pyro and Scout tangled up in a hot mess on the floor, water running down their skin in some attempt at keeping them clean. Scout had been so engrossed in the act that he didn't even notice Medic's presence until Pyro squeaked, causing him to loose focus on the blonde underneath him and look up. The look on Scout's face was pinched, almost a kind of tired look. Huffing and grinding into Pyro's ass, he watched as the Medic rolled his eyes and moved away. Medic was glad that the showers were as intricate as they were. He thought he might get a tad bit of privacy, but then he heard wet footsteps and suddenly there was Scout, huffing as he reached the corner he had turned to use as a wall between the two of them.

“Hey!” His greeting seemed upset. The furrow in his brow even more so.

“Herr Scout.” Medic replied, fastening his towel around his waist even tighter, making no comment on Scout's lack of clothing. He knew Scout was well aware. 

“You know, even if you think I'm a whore doesn't mean you get to look down on me like that! We're the same, you know!” Scout's entire stance was ready to go. He might have started to pummel him to the floor, with the way the length of his body strained and all his muscles taunt against his frame. And at the same moment, while surveying the conditions of the Scouts body, he realized that he had gotten up and pursued him without even finishing with Pyro. It caused a glow to cross Medic's cheeks, the way his erection bobbed in the steam of the room and strained to be touched, somehow. But it didn't excuse that Scout was saying.

“I think you mistake the physical differences in height with how I hold you in my esteem.” He replied, grimacing when the Scout began to shout.

“Yeah well I saw the look on your face and it definitely wasn't very highly esteemed, Medic. But that's not my problem! I don't care what you think of me, but you don't look at Pyro that way.” 

It was true. He probably did hold a look of disgust, even just now. His eyes had lazed upon Pyro, but he could have assured Scout it was not a look meant for the firestarter.

“Apologize to Herr Pyro for me, then.” He turned away, and didn't dare look back at the fury that he could hear rage from the Scout.

His shower, to the say the least, had a soundtrack of the loudest moans that the Scout could utter, and the dirtiest mouth he had ever heard on an American.

 

It was something of a surprise to find the runner waltz into his infirmary for the second time that week. Medic was still sorting papers. He had moved on from the ones he had yesterday, but it was likely that to Scout it looked no different.

“Pyro forgives you.” He remarked as he came to sit to the side of his desk, in the same chair he had toppled before.

“I'm glad he does.” The Medic replied in kind, sniffing and making an effort to ignore the Scout. Scout sat silently, eyes roaming the infirmary again. Today his doves were sleepy and quiet. His medipack hummed next to the operating table. The door to his room was open, revealing his neatly made bed. The papers on his desk had all moved around, the stacks were not the same today as they were yesterday.

“Doc what's your problem? We had a great talk yesterday about all this and yet you still glare when I'm fucking somebody.” Scout leaned in and took off his hat, examining it as he waited for an answer.

“Herr Scout, speaking of a deed is much different from seeing the deed done.” Scout sat for a moment, thinking about this. And while Medic waited for his next question or idiotic comment, there was none. Medic peered at Scout carefully, trying not to look like he was interested when in reality he was very, very interested. He wasn't sure if this was a change he was finding in the Scout, or if perhaps the Scout had always been this way, but whatever this was, all these questions and quiet ponders to himself and looking around his infirmary as if he were to capture it to his memory, they were all uncharacteristic and very interesting. But watching the Scout meant having to watch his expression leak from mildly inquisitive to downright kicked puppy. The Medic frowned.

“What is it?” He asked with a sigh. Scout looked up from his feet at Medic.

“Ah. Nah, it's nothing.” He replied, his face contorting into a hard frown in order to try and hide his upset.

“That was not the face of nothing, Herr Scout.” Medic put down the stack of papers he had been sorting and swiveled to face Scout.

“Yeah, well I don't want to talk about it.” He replied. Scout crossed his arms, almost as if it would protect him from Medic's probing questions, and just pouted at the doctor, daring him to ask more. The Medic chuckled, but then shrugged.

“Fine. I don't care.” He said softly, turning back to his desk. It made Scouts brow quirk with insecurity, and suddenly he lurched forward and grabbed the arm of Medic's chair.

“Wait! No, I'll tell you!” It sounded like a plea. Medic paused and then turned to him again, apprehension covering his interest. When he slowly turned his chair back towards Scout, he leaned back and relaxed into his chair again. The Scout gave him a flushed look of remorse but also relaxed into his chair. “But...” He folded his arms and flushed. “You can't tell anybody else.” He watched Medic as whatever was going though his mind flit across his gray eyes. Scout could see the gears turning. Trying to figure out what Scout was so eager to tell him. He didn't answer. Scout let himself look upset that he wasn't getting any confirmation, and then stood from his chair to reach over and flip a stack of his paperwork off of his desk and onto the cold floor of his infirmary, many of the pages fluttering away or under his desk.

“Scout! Du hurensohn!” Medic sat up ramrod straight, and as Scout reached over to do the same thing to another stack of his paperwork, he caught him by the wrist and jerked him away, violently tugging him so that he nearly stumbled to the ground. Scout stopped, no words coming from his mouth.

“Why did you do that, Scout?” He tried to calm his voice but it was hard when Scout seemed to feel no remorse for what he did. He just stared at the Medic with a hard glare. His fingers were still wrapped around his wrist.

“Promise you won't tell no one!” He huffed, then set his free hand on his hip. “Or I'll do it again.” His threat seemed to be the push.

“Fine! Fine, you have my confidentiality! Now what do you want, Herr Scout?” Medic didn't trust him enough to let go. But Scout didn't seem bothered. He let his free hand slip from his narrow hip and looked down at the floor. He was standing close, almost close enough that their knees could touch. Medic had to crane his head to look up at his face, but Scout met his gaze and it was hard to read his face.

“Ich mag dich.” The German from his lips was shaky, but the intent was clear in his eyes. But when he got no immediate response, Scout dropped his eyes to peer down to his feet, or perhaps Medic's knees. How close those knees were relative to his own made him tremble. Scout looked vaguely upset.

“Are you quite sure you know what those words mean, Herr Scout?” Medic's voice was drawn, but much softer than scout had expected. Scout brought his eyes up to stare, finally locking eyes with the Medic. His tired expression drew various fine lines on his face, with which Scout had never noticed from any other distance. The lines made him look at least 5 times older. And somewhere past the look of exhaustion was something he thought might be fear. Either the tenseness through his shoulders, or that spark in his blue-grey eyes told that to him but he couldn't decide which. It confused him. His words angered him.

“Yeah I know what they mean! Have I gotten any of my German wrong before?!” He snatched away his wrist from Medic's grip, belatedly realizing that the Medic hadn't let go. It was only half-realized and slowly processed that there had been a thumb gently stroking his inner wrist. His right hand ghosted absently over the worried patch of skin.

Medic looked away. “Your grammar has been atrocious, and the formalities are a bit stiff to listen to and I shouldn't even mention--” Scout huffed loudly, and crossed his arms, letting go of his wrist.

“Medic.” He glowered. The momentary vulnerability that Scout had shown was gone, and it made Medic sigh. He could see Scout's eyes flick back and forth between him and his desk, probably thinking about destroying more of his work. What an impatient boy. Medic rested his head against his empty hand, and his gaze seemed soft, but inquisitive. He looked as he did when he collected data on his latest experiment. But instead of the malevolence that usually hide in his eyes, there was something sneaky. 

“You want to sleep with me so badly that you would fake affection for me just to get it?” Scout's body was full of tension, from his face, through his shoulders and even shaking at his knees. He clenched his hands tightly at his sides. Those fists looked ready to fly. The anger blazed in his irises. He couldn't stand to look at the Medic's demure smile any longer, it mocked him.

“Doc I'm not faking this. You make me mad and ain't nobody ever really done that before who I didn't wanna just sock in the face for it. I want to show you wrong and make you admit it.”

“That's called competition, and is a good old-fashioned way of saying that we are rivals.” Medic pointed out. Scout huffed.

“Yeah but it's not just that, Doc. I'm not mad because you think you're better than me. I'm mad because you are better than me, and you're always caring for other people but you won't let nobody care for you.” 

“Many people can feel sorry for their health care providers and it isn't unusual to feel a little compassion for us at times.”

“Doc, Listen to me!” He finally acted out. But this time his fist landed with a crack on his wooden desk. The drawers shivered in their slots. Scout slowly took back his wrapped hand. “Listen, alright? I don't know what I'm feeling and you can't just outright tell me what I'm feeling here. But let me prove to you that it's not just lust.”

There was a long pause. The medic continued his stare, that interested, analyzing stare that wasn't cold or hard and gave him a hope that kept him going. Scout was holding onto his stare just then. And he held on for a long time as the medic stared, thinking about the conversation they were having. Finally Medic looked away and sighed, and the resignation he heard in that sigh made him grin ear to ear.

“Fine. Prove it to me, Scout. But I will have you know that if you speak a word about this day to anybody, including me, I will not continue to tolerate your promiscuity or your presence within my infirmary.” The splitting grin across Scout's face, so full of hope, managed to infect the medic, breaking the serious expression he had used through their whole conversation. Scout noticed the weary look still behind his smile, and chose to ignore it, for now. 

“Ain't nobody going to hear a word about any of this, I promise. I don't do intimacy, remember doc?” He rolled back on his heels, his smile slightly sheepish now as he realized he had essentially just asked to prove he could be intimate, in a way. If not having sex with someone counted as intimate, anyway. He bounced a little bit, almost as if he could shake away all the harsh words and serious conversations that they had only moments ago. “Morgen, then?” The medic laughed at the German words from the American mouth, and shook his head.

“No. Tomorrow is my day off, and you will not ruin it.” He chuckled as he watched the crestfall over the runners face. He paused, to find no resistance from the scout, just a bowed head and a upset frown. “Tell me, Scout.” The scout looked up for a moment, but then hung his head again. “How much German do you actually know?” He reclined in his chair, fingers steepled as he waited for a response. Scout looked up again, giving his most kicked puppy look and shrugged. 

“Just what I looked up on the internet. You know, insults and shit that I knew you wouldn't want to hear in English anyway.” He admit. It made the Medic laugh.

“Well, then. Why don't you learn some real words of the language. And next week, I'll quiz you over them.” The Scout perked at this. He looked up, not exactly frowning but not happy either. Inquisitive.

“Like what kinds of words?” He asked curiously. The Medic shrugged.

“Learn the words of your equipment, first.” A grin split over the Scouts face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New plot bunnies have arisen and now this fic talks place on the Barnblitz Payload map. If you all want, I'll be playing TF2 during the next few weeks (mostly on this map for research) If you want to play with me, I'm Shadeyrain on steam and everybody here has an open friends request!


	4. Scout the Animal Doctor

“Hey doc!” The medic had to resist the urge to roll his eyes. Three days of silence might have been asking to much of the scout. Two days of not having seen the runner in his office had been a blessing.

“Herr Scout, what a surprise.” He commented as he watched Scout meander into his infirmary and take a seat next to his desk, as always. Scout stared indignantly as he sighed, and started his usual routine. Medic's desk was neat and empty save for the few note cards he was writing on, with which Scout took no interest in. His eyes roved over the Medic for a few moments, but then moved to the dimly lit backroom, which hardly ever got use. It had been a few hours since their daily battle, so all of Medic's equipment had been cleaned and returned to it's case, where it awaited the next use. He could see it's faint red glow from his chair. Today Medic's bedroom door was closed, but the birdcages were opened. Most of the white doves seemed uninterested that their cages were not locked, cuddled together sleepily and breathing into each others feathers softly. But a couple were pecking around on a post nearby, and one was perched right on Medic's desk. It seemed to watch Medic write with interest, peering at his notes with some kind of intelligence. It would blink, and then turn it's head another way as if looking for a different angle. But then Scout watched with amusement when the dove fluttered closer to his penning hand and bumped his head against it, seeking some kind of affection from the doctor. Scout grinned when Medic chuckled and set his fountain pen down, softly stroking the doves feathered head and then picking it up.

“Ah Nietzsche. Little bird, you have a very affectionate personality, really.” Medic laughed as the dove in his hands cooed to him, cuddling up against his breast as Medic cuddled him back. Scout pursed his lips.

“Can I hold him?” The doctor's brows shot up. He watched Scout's face as the runner stared at the bird in his hands, a slight nerve showing through the twitch of his brow. But he looked truly interested in holding the animal, so Medic shrugged.

“Of course. Nietzsche loves being held. Please.” He shuffled his seat closer to Scout, but Scout outright shot out of his chair and his wrapped hands were outstretched to receive the bird. His face was glowing with a spirit he had never seen inside of the boy. Once the little aviary wonder was secure in Scout's gently cupped hands and resting against his chest, cooing again in delight, Scout sat back down. He had that gaze on his face, the same gaze that any child had when holding something living for the first time. It amazed them, but at the same time they took the greatest of care making sure they did not hurt the smaller living thing; constantly monitoring it's well being and comfort. There was no distress in the bird, it cooed softly and nuzzled the scouts bandaged hands as he smile at Medic.

“I had a dog when I was little, but when we moved into the city my ma couldn't keep them in our apartment. I always kind of liked animals, but I never got to have another pet.” He shifted Nietzsche into one hand, and stroked his shoulder with the fingers of another. Nietzsche leaned into his fingers. Medic said nothing, but that wasn't a problem for the scout. “I might'a been one of those animal doctors, if I didn't get in trouble so much in school. I had good grades, and I really did like biology class, next to gym class.” He froze when the dove fluffed his feathers a little bit, but then continued his petting of the bird thereafter. 

“Was there a reason you came by today?” Scout looked up from the little aviary life, grin splitting his face widely.

“Yeah I learned some new words.” He waggled his brows and licked his lips. This time Medic turned back to his desk.

“Good. I'll test you on Monday. Would you like extra credit?” He laughed when he looked at the flat frown on Scout's face, but then there were noises out in the hall, loudly shouting for Scout.

“Oh no. No, I do not want extra credit unless you want me to suck you off.” He looked over to the doors of the infirmary, and saw the demolitions man pop his head in.

“Hey Scout!” His accent combined with his white grin made Scout grin widely. Medic's straight face gave away nothing about what he felt about Scout's version of extra credit.

“Hey Demo.” The runner cupped the dove carefully in both hands again, stroking it with his thumb as he watched Demo take in the scene.

“We're about to play strip poker, did ya want to join us?” Whatever conclusions the demolitionist came about, he chose to ignore. Instead he grinned when Scout replied.

“Hell yeah! Just give me a few minutes, would yah?” Scout stood from his chair and the Demo man gave a grin and a salute before hastily retreating. When Scout turned to face the medic again he was met with a flat glare.

“What??” He asked as he safely deposited Nietzsche onto the desk.

“Are you really going to continue doing these things what with--” Medic stopped. He stared, and Scout just kind of chuckled and bounced on his feet as he waited for Medic to finish. But he didn't, and his glare only grew darker. Scout shrugged finally.

“I mean, yeah Doc. I'm not just gonna tie my balls up with a pretty little ribbon,” he paused, realizing that this was an expression he had used with Medic already to explain himself. But there was a little glimmer of mischief in his eyes, something he had not seen since the day Scout had been violated by the BLU Soldier. He continued with, “And wait around for you to untie it.” His explanation seemed to be sound in Scout's mind. Medic rolled his eyes, and turned away. There was no words between them about it before he left. Scout gave a meek goodbye before he shut the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I've been dead. I wrote and wrote a whole bunch around Christmas time, and then decided I needed a break. 
> 
> I hope posting like 16 million chapters makes up for it. 
> 
> Also tags are going to start changing real quick.


	5. What's Going On?

“...vater, bruder, schwester, liebhaber, madchen, junge, hund means dog, katze is cat, and taube is a dove.” Scout finished with a proud huff. Medic smiled as the garbled words came out his mouth, but they were words indeed, even while they sounded worst than even a small child could muster he gave the runner credit. He was pleasantly surprised that the boy could be knowledgeable in anything other than physical activities of any kinds or that American sport he loved so much. 

“Yes,” Medic nodded, smoothing the printed sheet of paper with all of these words typed on it, “Good work. Though, at this rate it would take you the rest of your life to actually learn how to say a full sentence in the language.” He watched the triumphant smile turn down as Scout ran a large hand through his dirty blonde hair, a little long now. It had been eight whole weeks of learning twenty-five words in German. Scout sighed and leaned away from the doctor as he thought about these things.

“Yeah, I don't even think my brain has the capacity to actually learn a full language at my age.” He commented. Medic chuckled rather glantly.

“You are only 23 years old, Herr Scout. Other kids your age are learning three different languages in my country, perhaps two other languages in your country.” His chuckles subsided and he leaned back into his chair a little, folding his hands on his belly as he watched Scout think. “You could be at a university right now.”

“Yeah, I could be.” Scout fiddled with his bat on the floor as he thought about that. His shirt still had bloodstains on it. They had just come from battle, and Scout had a minor scratch that didn't warrant any help from the medigun. His arm was all patched up now, but neither of them had cleaned up. Medic himself had had a particularly messy eight hours. But they sat down anyway and Scout had wanted to show off his new vocabulary.

“Why aren't you?” He asked carefully. Scout sighed and rolled his bat back and fourth over the concrete, his hands getting a little more fidgety as he started to speak.

“Ma had her hands full with the eight of us and she really just wanted to get us through high school mainly since most of her family never finished school.” He looked up at Medic, saw his dark hair messed up a little from the day, glasses hanging precarious from his straight nose. He flushed a little before he looked away, head hung lowly. Scout shrugged. “I couldn't do nothing special. My older brothers all had something they were good at, you know? And the only way we could afford college was if we could get a scholarship. Quinton, he's bruder # 5, he got a wrestling scholarship somewhere in Nevada. Shaun, the oldest, he's got offered a baseball scholarship and went out for the big leagues. Last I heard he was being considered for the Red Sox! I don't got all that kind of talent, though. I could run, and that's good for nothing but to keep myself from being beaten in the streets. That don't give me a scholarship.” He folded his arms and let his bat rest against his knee. Medic tilted his head as he gave that thought.

“Perhaps because you did not try hard enough you did not realize that potential you had for greater things?” Scout looked up this time. Carefully. As if Medic's words were poised to pierce.

“Yeah.” He said hesitantly. “Yeah, maybe. But I'm making ten times more money here at RED than Shaun ever will. When I can get this kind of money doing what I do, why go to college, right?” He watched as Medic gave a heavy breath and shifted slightly, before shrugging himself.

“There is a certain kind of satisfaction in learning that all the money in the world will never fill.” Medic said softly. Scout smiled, lifting his chin.

“Yeah, but that's what I got you for, Doc! I'm learning all sorts of stuff! Like when we read the Odyssey together? And in Book 9, when Polyphemus trapped Odysseus and his guys in the cave? That was my favorite part, you know.” Medic smiled again and nodded.

“Yes, I know.” Scout frowned, watching the light go out of the doctor as he relaxed into the chair. The battle had been harder on him than they realized. He was loosing the steam he had before. Sighing, Medic rubbed his forehead. There was a long pause in which Scout frowned as well.

“And when we talked about philosophy last weekend? I thought you were going to explode with the way you talked about Kant and Avicenna. I'm learning a lot from you, Doc.” 

“That is truly a miracle, Herr Scout.” He watched as the Medic inspected his bloodstained sleeves and chest wearily. He sighed at this and then dropped his hands. “Could we perhaps clean ourselves up? I would like to get some extra sleep, tomorrow we have orders to push back.” 

Scout nodded. He left first to shower as the Medic began to take off his coat to put it in the wash pile. But as Medic began to loosen his tie, he realized that Scout hung around the door. He watched Medic as he fiddled with his tie, hand lingering on the door handle. When the Medic's wary eyes found the runner still in the room, Scout jumped, but then moved closer to the doctor.

“Hey, you look kind of tired. Let me help you with that.” Scout's hands were already on his chest, working around his tie to try to unbutton his stained shirt.

“Scout.” The firm word from the Medic's mouth made Scout freeze. He let his hands fall to his side, but he would not meet the taller mans gaze. There was no emotion evident on the Scout's face. Until he tittered a little and then turned to leave.

“Sorry.” He whispered, before leaving.

\-----

Medic didn't leave long after Scout for the showers. Something about Scout's actions just then had made him believe something was truly wrong with Scout. But when he arrived, the other men were just finishing their showers and Scout was nowhere to be seen.

“Oi, lads, look who it is! I haven't seen this bugger in ages!” The Sniper was holding a very empty bottle of something cold, looking slightly like he might tip over. The Demoman was laughing good heartedly at his side, keeping him upright. It seemed they had brought out the booze early to celebrate the victory they had achieved today. 

“We only just saw eachother an hour ago, Sniper.” He commented, finding his locker and gathering his shower things. The boys all laughed to eachother as he watched the shower doors carefully for Scout.

“That ain't what I meant, Doc. We miss yer grimaces in the showers, doc, even if you don’t want to join us.” Sniper was clearly inebriated, something he had rarely seen. It was hard to tell what the Australian man had to say under his heavy accent.

“Perhaps I realized that there is no need for team-building in the showers, and found ways to avoid it.” He shrugged, still watching for the Scout to appear. He saw Spy in the corner, flicking his lighter to life in front of a cig and watching the rooms doors as well. There was a bottle of what they were drinking in front of his locker, but he looked mostly unaffected.

“Then what are you in here for now, Doc?” Engineer had donned his jeans, but they remained unzipped and slouched on his hips. He was rubbing his bald head with a towel.

“I thought I might catch Herr Scout before he went to shower, but it seems he's evaded me.” He explained, finally looking at them with an attentive gaze. Everyone seemed to slow when Medic mentioned Scout. Some of their smiles disappeared. 

“Ah, Doc? We ain't seen Scout around either.” It was Pyro this time. His chubby cheeks were rosy red, lips pouted with worry as he sat on the bench next to his equipment. His blonde hair was wet, cowlicks untamed and so obvious with his grown-out buzz cut.

“What do you mean?” Medic watched as the room shifted at his questions. Pyro's sweet features turned upset as he looked at his feet.

“Monsieur Scout has been very secluded for a few weeks now.” Spy commented as no one seemed to want to answer.

“Yeah, He's been showering real late at night, and he doesn't sleep with anybody at all.” Engie finally settled his towel over his shoulders, and shrugged them as his hand went back to rub his scalp.

“We thought, since you spend so much time with him, maybe you know what's going on with the Scout?” Heavy finished off his second drink just then, setting it beside his first and giving Medic a meaningful glance. He sat near the Pyro on his end of the bench, Sasha carefully cradled between his knees. He seemed to be polishing her.

“Yeah, Doc. You're the only one that mongrel ever talks to anymore.” Sniper's face was folded into a scowl, but Medic had nothing to say to them. He didn't think anything had seemed off about the Scout's behavior at all. 

“Nein. I know nothing. How long has this been going on for?” He asked quietly, the surprise very evident on his face.

“Longer than a month, now.”

“Exactly 7 weeks.” The Spy remarked. Medic's lips folded tightly into a line. But then a voice that he hadn't acknowledged yet spoke.

“You people are absolute dumb-asses.” The Soldier, from a corner, slammed his locker shut and turned to look at them. He was completely sober, his pants already firmly belted with his boots to the side and an undershirt in hand. His buzzed head was fresh, as he cut his hair and shaved his face almost religiously every morning. There was a general mumble of offence, but he continued in his overpowering voice. “It's obvious. How would you feel if you were raped?” His words were jarring, but soft considering they were coming out of the soldier. There seemed to be confusion from a few, but Medic immediately understood.

“What the hell are you talking about, yah git? That can't happen to lads!” The Demo kicked his feet as he took a swig from his bottle, nearly toppling over under the Snipers weight.

“How the hell do you think the Scout felt when that god damn BLU took advantage of his body while he couldn't defend himself? That maggot knew exactly what he was doing to that body, he knew the Scout could still see and hear what was going on.” There was silence. Medic felt sudden panic sweep over him as he thought about the implications of everything he knew about Scout. At least, everything he thought he knew. Soldier had to be right, Scout wasn't about to stop sleeping around without a reason. He had come out of Respawn looking so horrified that day, about a month ago. How could this have affected the runner so badly? And yet Medic had not even noticed, despite having spent hours of his time teaching Scout so many things. Scout had, all the while, let Medic think he was still as active sexually as he always was. Nobody had thought to ask him if Scout might be sick? What was wrong with his team? They knew Scout more than he did, they should have been more concerned for the runner than this. He felt sudden anger well up. His hands trembled.

“Why did you let this go on for so long? We all know how Scout is. Wasn't it obvious that he was being strange?!” Medic wanted to shout, but that would be immature. He let the anger shake his core as he looked among the mostly naked men in the locker room.

“Hey, most of us don't keep tabs on him, okay? It's not like group sex is a nightly thing for us.” Sniper had stopped sipping at his drink. He looked down on it with a guilt on his face that he'd never seen from him.

“Scout will drift between our beds, spending weeks in one. Some of us don't see him for months at a time. We only noticed that he stopped showering with us and that tipped us off that he was not feeling well.” Spy folded his arms, frowning at Medic. Soldier quietly climbed into his shirt, tucking it in. Pyro looked rather distraught about the new predicament, head in his hands as he shivered under his towel. Heavy quietly nursed his drink as he continued polishing Sasha. Sniper was sitting up by himself now, Demo was laying down. It was apparent that among the mercenaries, they all cared for the scout in a way he couldn't understand. But then he realized that even he cared that Scout might be sick. But while they were not going to do anything about it, he was prepared to track the boy down and demand answers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hnnnng Okay so just a little tidbit I started this fan fiction as a blatant smut fic and all it was suppose to be was Scout/everybody and that didn't happen as soon as I wanted it to or as vividly as I wanted it to (because im a chump) so yeah. Most of the sex they are talking about happened before the fic started. I might make little ficlets for things like that.
> 
> I'm a huge chump though.


	6. GFDI Scout

“Scout!” He heard the call from the barn exterior. Scout turned to see the Medic covering his arms in a feeble attempt to fight the cold, but out here there were no buildings to keep the winds from nipping at any bare flesh. As Scout stopped moving, he felt that nipping too. His bat hit the ground, and immediately regretted it. A ball came flying out of the mechanical pitcher and hit him square in one shoulder. He grunted as he almost fell to his knees, but then clicked the button to stop the machine and started to shiver in the wind. He had taken off his tee-shirt, standing in just his wife beater as he collected his bat and jogged over to where the doctor stood freezing his balls off. They didn't really greet eachother as Medic led him inside and he closed the doors behind, closing out the cold wind. It hadn't stopped a few flakes of snow from being blown in last minute, where they settled on the ground. It was cold enough that they didn't melt immediately.

“Yo, Doc.” He said quietly as the doctor shivered, and motioned for the stairwell up to his quarters. Medic led the way, and they entered into the warmth of the mess hall, where beyond a door was his infirmary.

“ Scout, are you alright?” Scout blinked at the Medic as he stood firmly in front of him. He had showered already, his hair was a little messy, though he did look to have fingered through it a little. He was in his pajama pants and a wife beater, what most of them wore to bed if they wore anything at all. Slippers on his feet. Scout was still grimy from the day, it was obvious he had yet to shower. He had been planning on going after he was certain everybody was asleep, like he had been doing for the past four weeks.

Medic had to repeat his question to the Scout, who looked as if he was not listening at all. He looked anywhere but at Medic now, and had not answered his question after blinking at him like he was dumb. Medic knew Scout was not dumb, and had weeks of his questions about philosophy and literature and music to back it up. Scout finally shrugged nonchalantly.

“I'm fine, Doc. I was just getting in some practice, you know? I like to stay sharp.” Scout jumped when Medic's hands found his frozen shoulders.

“Scout, why are you not sleeping with the team anymore?” This question caused Scout to jump away from the Medic as if he had touched a live wire. Scout held his hands over the places Medic had been warming.

“What?” He squeaked out. He sniffed a little as his face started to unfreeze.

“The whole team is worried for you, Herr Scout. They want to know if you are okay.” He did not mention that he was worried for the Scout.

“Doc, I'm fine! They don't need to worry and we don't need to talk about this.”

“Engie said you don't shower with them anymore.”

“Engie can mind his own god damn business!”

“Scout, are you taking care of yourself?” Scout took a step back. His body didn't tremble anymore. Not from the cold, anyway. The mess hall was warm, but not the warmest room. The tables had been shoved around where everybody liked them, a tv sat silent in one corner. Medic stood near the door to the barn, though it was closed. Scout stood in the middle of the square of the only carpet in the place. He could begin to feel his fingers again.

Medic's hands fell to his sides as he looked down on Scout. The runner hadn't seen the worry in his gaze until just then. Medic knew he had messed up, that the question had been too much. But now Scout saw that worry, and he didn't quite understand it. But it was in his grey eyes, and those grey eyes were warm on Scout's face, just like his big, but delicate hands.

“Just because they aren't seeing me shower doesn't mean I'm not taking care of myself. I don't need to be watched.” He wrapped his arms around his chest. Scout was no longer on the offensive here. He wasn't sure what Medic was after, but his worry put him at ease, a little.

“Scout, we are just worried.” He included himself with his words now. Scout's eyes flashed a little at that.

“You don't got to be. And stop saying my name, ya nazi.” He grumbled into his shoulder, looking away this time. Medic only watched him, now, monitoring things Scout wasn't sure he wanted to be monitored. A hand reached out to rub his arm again. His hand lingered.

“If you need to talk about anything, you know you can talk to me.” Scout could feel his throat constricting the longer they stood there. What the hell was the doc going on about? Scout turned to stare nervously at him, but didn't pull away from his hand this time.

“I thought I already did.” He murmured quietly. Medic's brow furrowed.

“I hardly qualify that as a conversation, Scout.” Scout's eyes widened.

“Huh?”

“What the BLU Soldier did to you was unforgivable, I realize that you must be in shock from it. I think you should talk to somebody about it, Herr Scout.” Gears turned slowly in Scout's brain as the mechanisms clicked together. And he seemed to come to a realization.

“ _OH_. You think I'm messed up from what that god damn necrophiliac did to me. That's the most obvious reason for my behavior. Huh.” His eyes slowly sunk to his feet. That's when it started to dawn on Medic that Scout was being a little sarcastic.

“What other reason would there be that you would not sleep with your team mates?” Medic couldn't think of another reason. It seemed vital to the Scout's health. But it was seeming that there was another reason.

“Oh. I don't know.” Medic didn't appreciate the runner's unusual sarcasm. Scout didn't really appreciate it either, but he wasn't about to spell anything out for the Medic.

“Stop fooling around. You've worried the whole team with your behavior. So explain yourself.”

“Doc, I'm not sure what you don't understand here. You're a god damn genius, figure it out yourself.” Scout finally showed a little emotion. Anger. He was angry, and Medic had no idea why. Scout turned away and trudged out of the mess hall, leaving Medic to himself

* * *

 

Medic had spent all night thinking. Scout's behavior was strange, to say the least. Perhaps Scout was in the deepest of denial about his situation. Perhaps he didn't even realize how deeply the violation to his body had affected him. Medic pondered on it, but Medic had seen the horror on Scout's face. He knew what had happened. He had seemingly dealt with it the best way he knew how, and come back no less for wear not days after.

So what was going on here? Medic went through all the motions of his sleep routine. Brushed his teeth, made his bed, set a record of classical piano playing softly into his room, and finally sat at the edge of his military made bed.

The moment his head met his pillow, instead of relaxing into sleep, his brain went into overtime. He carefully made a chart of all the things that might indicate an answer. He started his research.

Scout had been sexually abused.

> This he dealt with in his own way and does not seem to be a variable.

Scout had a previous lover with whom no specific information was given.

> This could be a variable.

Scout is much smarter than he seems. This information is proven through substantial observation over the past few weeks.

> Not a variable.

Said observation is possible due to the Scout spending so much time in his infirmary these past months.

> Possible variable.

Scout revealed his feelings towards Medic.

> Definite variable.

In spending as much time together, Scout has heard things about Medic that have not been discussed with anybody else.

> Probable variable.

Revision: Scout's intelligence is a definite variable.

First hypothesis: If Scout has been listening to reason for long enough, then he might realize that sexual deviancy is wrong.

> Outcomes for this hypothesis all fail.

Secondary Hypothesis: If Scout becomes occupied with his education, then his sexual appetite will be curbed by his appetite for learning.

> Outcomes for this hypothesis are slim.

Final Hypothesis: If Scout is monogamous, then he will have a better chance at getting into Medic's pants.  
Outcomes for this hypothesis are all very likely.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay so this is my least favorite chapter so far, but it's kind of important in moving along the plot so please bare with me. I was going through a writing block at the time. T_T I'll post more chapters right after just to get the bad taste of this chapter out of your mouth I'm so sorry.


	7. Get Out Of Bed You Nasty

Scout had been avoiding taking a shower while the other members of RED team were present because it was god damned hard for him to not fuck somebody who was asking to be fucked. Why didn't he want to fuck the other members of his team? It was all that prudish Medic's fault.

Scout had to have spent at least half an hour every night with his head in his hands thinking about how head over heels he was for the man. Not at first, of course. No, at the very start, right from the get go, Medic was the only guy who refused to sleep with him. He didn't really care, but it had made the man interesting. First, it had been a challenge. Scout thought through persistence that Medic might give in. That had been during the early days of their “friendship.” 

Then it was obvious that Medic would never budge. That's when it was more fun to make him angry or flustered, because with every rejection Scout was being beaten at his own challenge. Scout hated to lose, and the frustrated embarrassment of the Medic was far more rewarding.

But then Medic had been there when he thought he had felt complete devastation. Sex was his game. Nobody beat him at it, and there was never a point when he didn't want it. But that whole concept had been taken away from him with the vulgar violation from that soldier. In the grand scheme of things, Scout had only felt the burn of devastation for a little while. Now it was just a faint memory. He had hardly even remembered it until Medic brought it back up. 

Spending time with Medic was like going home. Not the place where he grew up, though he loved his ma. The place where he had felt genuine love for what he thought was going to last a life-time. The place where waking up just before noon and making pancakes for lunch meant so much more because he got to spend that time with the warmth of her eyes. Where every smart word out of her mouth made him think and at the same time clouded his mind with “how did I get so lucky?” A place where nothing he felt went overlooked, even the tiny bit of hurt he felt when she didn't notice that he had folded his undies the way she liked him too.

Scout never thought that he would feel like going home again. Home was estranged now, and he had though he would never get it back. But when he sat in that warm infirmary, it was nothing like the cold hospital rooms back in Boston. It was warm and filled with his scent. It was filled with his smart words and warm laugh. It was clouded with questions, and he was there to answer them. And suddenly, it was the place he felt genuine love. 

Once he realized that, Scout felt like he might break. It was the first time he had cried in years. He had sat with his head in his hands for hours with tears streaming down his face. He had prayed to god before bed that night. 

It no longer felt right to have casual sex with his team mates. He had the drive, sure. And sex was his fix-all for his problems. But the guilt it left him in afterward was too much for him to handle. And he tried to refuse them, at first. But seeing all those writhing bodies just asking for his help, and he couldn't say no to that. Not after two whole years of willingly, enthusiastically saying yes. So he stopped showering with them all together. 

It was needless to say that when the Medic, of all people, was the one to approach him about his strange behavior, he was surprised. He had expected Engie, perhaps even the Sniper or Spy. They were usually the best at confronting problems head on. But Medic's worried eyes, his soft touch, and the firm scolding behind his words, they all confused him. Wouldn't it be immediately obvious to the Medic? It was slightly immature of him to get a tad angry at Medic when it wasn't as obvious to him as Scout thought it would be. But all he could see was that Medic was not worried for Scout's feelings because he reciprocated the feelings. He was worried because he thought Scout was hurt. Which was honestly just as endearing, but in the moment, Scout didn't see that.

But Medic was not very empathetic himself. He didn't take into consideration how much time Scout put in just to get his attention. Their entire relationship to this point had always been one-sided. If the medic wanted to be worried, he needed to realize the depth of this situation.

He got little sleep that night. Curled up on his side, still dirty from the day before and shaking because he had thrown his window open for some reason the day before and he didn't have the strength to close it. He just wanted to forget about all these feelings he had swirling around his head. In his situation, he normally sought out a team mate, and as desperate as he was just then, he might attack the first person he saw. He would bury himself in whatever man would take him, and ask for it in return, and revel in the feeling of not feeling. He nearly stood to do so. But the thought of hearing Medic sigh at him or see those warm eyes turn cold on him strapped him to the bed, unable to move or make a sound. It was nearer to dawn now than dusk, anyway. There was no way anybody would be awake.

He took his second option, and reached between his knees to stir himself to life. A couple of rough tugs and he could feel his mind relax. Tugging at his erection, Scout's mouth fell open and his eyes drooped. His other hand hurriedly rooted under his beds mattress.

Scout dug out from between the box springs and his thin mattress a used pair of briefs. He clutched it to his face and hummed lightly as he worked at himself in earnest now. The faded musk entered his lungs, feeling almost as intoxicating as the fumes of the Medigun of the man that these briefs belonged too. He could revel in this scent all night, and probably would. 

This had been his only sin for the past month that he had decided to abstain. It couldn't do nearly as much for him as the real thing, but it did the job. He groaned into the pair of briefs and then left them on his pillow so he could carefully paw at his balls. He shut his eyes, and imagined all he could muster. It was always the Medic's lips, speaking in languages he didn't know, words he didn't understand. But in his mind, he didn't need to. They were always good things, or bad things. Words of encouragement, scolding punishments, gasps and moans. He wanted to feel those foreign lips on his skin, for his sounds to vibrate on his flesh. Scout didn't have much of an oral fixation, but Medic's voice and everything about it turned him on so hard, he could cum if he over-thought about it. 

He imagined where they might have gone if Medic had let him undress him that evening. He slowed his stroking to a pace more fitting of the doctor's hand. Slow, strong, and close, Medic would take complete control and leave him wanting. Hopefully not for long. Scout dragged his hand up to snatch the briefs from his pillow, pressing them to his face before sliding them along his curled up body and then finally grinding his prick desperately against them. After this night, they would no longer keep his musk. But it wasn't the first pair he had stolen from the medic's laundry either. 

 

Scout didn't feel the rumbling that shook the entire bunker. Too engrossed in the feelings he was making himself feel, he didn't realize something was wrong. Grievously wrong. And then came the shouting. Scout heard the shouting, though he didn't stop. It seemed out of place to him, sure, but why did that mean he couldn't finish himself before getting up and putting his pajama pants on? 

But then there was an intense blast somewhere in the base. That startled him straight up. He listened for more, and finally he felt the rumbling under his bed and shaking his plastic curtains. It finally registered that something was wrong. He glanced at the glowing red alarm clock on his nightstand, and glared at it. 5 in the morning. It was no use to get angry, really, because in a few hours he would have gotten no sleep anyway.

Scout sighed as he looked into his lap. He pulled up his own breifs and carefully tucked the Medic's away in his bed. He would need his work pants to cover his erection, and so climbed into a pair of those instead of his pj’s.

Emerging from his room, almost every door down the hallway of their concrete bunker was open. He sprinted to the Snipers room, just next to his, and found it empty. The rest were equally as vacant. At the end of the hallway, the door stood open. He could hear people clamoring for things, talking, yelling. Above all, he heard his name.

“Where is the Scout!” That was Medic's voice.

“I have no idea!” This from Sniper.  
“That is not important right now, Doctor.”  
“What's happened?”  
“The explosion came from outside!” Scout walked out and saw people running to and fro trying to find a semblance of armament. Everybody was ready for the worst, just then.

“Scout!” The Medic rushed to his side, but he was not immune from the need for defense. He was trying to buckle a holster for a lone pistol at his side. His bonesaw was already hooked to his belt, but his Medigun was nowhere to be seen.

“What's going on?” Scout mumbled, the sleeplessness finally hitting him as the Medic finally gave up with the holster with a huff and just pocketed the gun in his lab coat. He wore pajama pants shoved into muddy boots, his lower jaw had a dark shadow clinging to it. All that covered his chest was a wife beater.

“I think BLU is getting a head start on us.” This from Engineer as he gathered up items for his sentry.

“The more time we spend talking about it, the more time they have to push that cart into our undefended base!” Sniper shouted, slamming his locker and running out into the base. 

“What about the respawn?” Scout asked, which made Medic freeze. Respawn hadn't opened up for the day yet. If any one of them lost their life before hand, they did not come back until respawn started up for the day. That could cost them all dearly should too many get stuck before respawn opened. This was why neither side liked to fight before or after the designated battle times. It could either harm or help, but you had to have luck on your side.

“They are counting on us not trying to fight back, Scout. We'll have to play the defense game today, or else YOU will be stuck in respawn for another five hours.” Spy breezed by, fully clothed and looking as dapper as fuck. Scout pouted at him as he stared at Scout's bat, before picking it up from the side of Scout's locker and taking it away with him. No offence, which meant no bat, which really meant no Scout. He pouted harder.

“Spy is right, Herr Scout. We will need you but you must not make risks until Respawn kicks in.” Medic put a hand on his shoulder as he watched the upset spill over his face.

“Maybe I don't care if I get stuck in respawn. If I can kill any of those idiots, then they get stuck too.” Scout folded his arms.

“This ain't no time to pout, boy. We still need you out there.” Engineer seemed ready to leave. But his face, his eyes were on Scout and it was obvious there was worry there. Scout felt his chest seize up before he could even think about it and realized that he had some major apologizing to do. But he couldn't do it then. All he could do was fight for their lives. Because if that cart got to their base, none of them would survive.

Maybe the other team thought they had been being quiet, or they just weren't expecting to RED to be as quick as they were, but BLU team went down without much of a fight. But from what Scout got to see, they had blown out a part of the track, so it was impossible to actually push the cart back anymore. They were all tired from having been waken at such an early hour, mostly, but the fight had taken it out of the members who usually Scout thought got to sit back and relax for most of the battle. This time, he was nearly powerless, and mainly just sat in with Sniper at his perch. Sometimes, when he watched Demo stray a little far, he would run down and get a few buck shots in, but otherwise Medic would pull him back and tell him to watch himself. Medic was pretty busy with Heavy, who made a dance with the corner that BLU was trying to push the cart around. Scout almost found it graceful by the end of the fight, if a burly Russian man could be considered graceful.

By the end of the BLU teams shenanigans, which maybe lasted thirty minutes at the most, Scout was tired as all hell and hungry as all shit. Sitting in the corner of Snipers little perch, he was huddled down in a blanket and a fur-lined hat, because god damn this fucking barn had no heating at all and as far up as Sniper liked to be the gust of winter shivered through the red painted wood. Sniper lowered his gun as the last of the BLU team was splattered onto the white snow between the buildings, sighing. At Scout, really, and that made Scout scowl at the thin man before uncovering his red tipped nose.

“What?” He grumbled at Sniper as the Aussie grabbed his kukri from the floor. He looked rather perplexed, but rather than reply he just began to climb down from his perch.

“Come on down, you mongrel. The team's got some questions for you.” Scout scrambled from his blanket to follow him out, and as soon as he was properly caught up with the man to ask him any questions, he was nearly out of breathe. Scout had never seen the Aussie leg it that fast anywhere.

“God, damn, Sniper. What, you couldn't ask me anything during the half-hour I sat up there with you?”

“No. This ain't just about me, ankle-biter. We all got questions, and we all want answers.”

“If this is about not showering, I'm a grown ass adult, I'll decide when I shower, okay? Medic already flayed my ass about cleanliness and shit.” He lied, but basically realized that might have been the conversation if he had told Medic he was being stupidly gross.

“You think I give a shit when you shower, Scout? I've gone weeks without showering, for jobs, you know. I'm the last person to talk to about that. No, we got some serious questions and we need some serious answers. None of that halfhearted bullshit we put up with all month, you got it?” Sniper pulled open the door into the bunker, warm air wafting out and fogging the shades on Snipers face. He tiredly swiped them from his face, and shivered as he waited for Scout to go in first. There was no escape this time around. Scout suddenly felt like he might get gang-banged, but with words instead of dicks. This was his least favorite kind of gang-bang.

“Scout.” Inside, they waited. Scout stopped before he even got all the way inside, and Sniper bumped into him. But before he could bolt, Sniper grabbed him by the arms and held him firmly as he shut the bunkers door closed.

“No, no you little mongrel. You're not getting out of this one.” He marched Scout right inside, and Scout thought he might melt into a puddle from the stares he got from the team. The team he was use to stares from, stares much more heated and much more focused on other parts of his body other than his face. He wished with all his might that this was anything other than a team discussion about his behavior. He did not want to talk. He would readily fuck them all at once right there, unprepared, with Medic watching with his cold gaze than have to talk about this. It was literally the last thing he wanted to do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please humor my terrible chapter titles. I'm just trying to lighten the mood.


	8. Panic! At The BarnBlitz

“We really don't have to do this guys.” Scout lamented as he was sat right down in the middle of all of them, as if they were ready to interrogate him. 

“You ain't done nothing wrong, Scout. It's okay to talk about things with us, you know.” 

“I DON'T want to talk.” He grumbled at them as Sniper slowly let him go. He stayed put. He had though he needed to apologize, but this was not on his terms. He did not want to have them force it out of him.

“Don't you? We understand if it's too much to ask, but maybe talking about what that BLU shithead did to you will help you a little.” Spy, though he was rather neatly dressed and smoking as normal, had dark circles around his grey eyes.

“What-- are you fucking kidding me. THIS again?” He felt the room shuffle at his anger. Sniper came around to stand against the wall in front of him, Spy in the corner as per norm. Medic lingered awkwardly in the doorway to his infirmary. Heavy was nearest, arms folded but attention fully upon Scout's face. Engie was next to the bunkers door, wiping sweat and leaning back on his toolbox. Demo stood in front of Engie as if he had been conversing with him, but his eye was centered over his shoulder at Scout as well. Pyro was quiet on the couch. Scout ran a hand through his hair. “ Please, guys. I'm over that creepy shit, okay? I dominated him hard-time during that battle, and I almost didn't even remember it until Medic brought it up lastnight!” He gestured to Medic as he spoke, and sat up in his chair as the team listened. But some didn't seem convinced.  
“Then why are you acting as if you have taken a vow of abstinence?” The Spy flicked his cigarette to the concrete, and snubbed it out with his heel. They all waited for his response, eyes watching his every movement. Scout sighed and finally leaned back. He reasoned it would not be much longer before this happened. And he wanted to tell someone. Not Medic. But someone. He probably would have told Engineer before too long, sooner had he purposefully asked Scout. But nobody had asked him. Nobody but Medic had looked into his abstinence. At this realization, his face folded into confusion and hurt.

“Why didn't you guys ask me about it earlier?” Looking up, all of the red-clad men looked a little sheepish. Except Pyro, who emidiately stood up, his face as red as his rubber suit.

“We were worried about you, Scout! And we figured something was really wrong, because you aren't the kind of guy who changes like that overnight! What do we do when something is really wrong, Scoot? We didn't know what to do.” His heartful outburst tapered into a sad, unsure sigh and he turned away, clearly upset. Scout wanted to hug him, because a sad Pyro was like seeing the sun fade away. 

“We know you, little man.” Heavy began, in his low rumble that meant business. Pyro was getting consoling pats on the back from Sniper, and Spy refused to look his way, but Heavy made it clear his stare was reserved for Scout. “We did not expect Scout to act strangely. We all have problem, but you make things good. Like firebug has said; we do not know what to do.” He stated as if this would make it more clear. It did, in a way. Scout could give Pyro the benefit of the doubt, he was rather shy when he was in a situation that was unclear to him. Heavy, on the other hand, was level-headed and he could speak on behalf of the team. What Heavy said generally went for everyone else.

So they didn't know how to react. Scout covered his face. Heavy made it sound like Scout couldn't have problems of his own. But that was far from the truth, only, Scout realized, in the two years he had been in service with them, he had left his problems behind. He had come out to RED in a direct action that would leave his problems in Boston, probably to die. His heart squeezed, but he threw his thoughts away the moment they came. And this was the Scout they all knew, the Scout that threw his problems away and never thought about them and didn't let them show. Scout liked to be a happy person. He liked to be the happy person that everyone could count on to not dwell on bad things. That was easy for him. And it was easy for the team to accept this as the normal Scout. They didn't realize that he had left a heap of problems at home, and that he was just as susceptible as the rest of them to worry and feel guilt and to cry because of the way something made him feel.

And as far as he had figured, he didn't see himself becoming that person again. Scout had no intentions to become a person with problems again. He had intended to be problem-free. And it had lasted. This is, until Medic had shown some modicum of emotion while he was vulnerable.

Scout uncovered his face. He looked around at the people in the room, where Pyro had sat in a chair beside Sniper, where Spy was overlooking Medic, who now leaned against his door indefinitely. Demo had taken a seat next to Engie on his massive toolbox. Scout slumped in his chair, but his resolve hardened. He took a breathe, but nobody really expected what he was about to say would come out so evenly, not even Scout.

“I am in love.” 

There was a stirring in the room before there was outbreak. Pyro cried in nearly delighted confusion. But that was all he really could make out, over everyone asking questions. Everyone but Medic, who stoood quietly,watching carefully, grey eyes analyzing the situation. But just then he slipped away, into his infirmary as if deciding this were not a conversation he needed to hear. It wasn't, because Scout had already talked to him.

“Scout who the hell are you so in love with that you would stop being who you are?”

“I didn't stop being myself, okay?” He heard them quiet. His words had power over them, at this moment. “I'm just like you guys, okay? I got problems, I just didn't have problems with you guys. I left my problems in Boston. But now I fucking have a problem. And it's not as big a problem as you guys are making it out to be!”

“Who?” Scout looked up then cheeks flaming red as he looked from one face to another. But just then he couldn't look at any of them.

“He already left.” Scout watched them all look at eachother, but slowly they all turned their eyes to the infirmary door.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” This from the Aussie, as he grabbed the hat from his head, nearly throwing it across the room but only crumpling it he seemed so angry. “What the hell, Scout? Medic's probably the straightest fucking arrow in the book and he's probably like a fucking plant or something and he hates you, don't he? I can tell you that all of the men in this room care for you a hell of a lot more than that psycho ever will!”

“Jesus, Sniper. What's your problem? Medic isn't a fucking psycho! Besides, he's the one who came running as soon as he thought I was acting strange. I don't know what that is if it isn't caring.” Scout sat up as Sniper got physically upset by the new information.

“First off, half of us didn't even realize that you were being weird until you stopped showering with us. Second off, he can't just do this. We are a fucking team, we do not compete with one another, so we have to share it's not his right--”

“What?”

“Spy,” Sniper turned to Spy, wildly gesturing with his hat as Spy lifted his chin indignantly. “Spy, come on back me up.”

“What the fuck are you talking about?” Scout stood just then, anger starting to sprout. “Medic isn't doing anything wrong, okay? I don't know what you're talking about, but we ain't even slept together, and it's been completely my choice to do all this, okay?” Scout watched as Sniper stared, loosing his steam. Scout jumped a little when he felt a hand touch his shoulder. He looked over and saw Engie standing near, face passive as he looked from Scout, then to Sniper.

“And you have every right. WE are not entitled to you, and as long as you're okay, WE don't need to start anything.” His eyes were only on Sniper as he said these things. Scout wanted to punch something, because he could tell there was so much more he was missing from this situation.

“Right! So we shouldn't even be having this conversation anymore because you guys understand all that!” Scout felt his voice raise in frustration.

“No,” Engineer squeezed his shoulder, and then made him sit back down. “We do need to talk about this, Scout. You caused us worry, and even though WE are relieved that you aren't hurt or upset, this has affected all of us, get it?” Scout saw Sniper's nose flare with indignation, but otherwise, he calmly put his hat back on and took a seat on the couch, folding his arms across his chest, pouting. Engineer finally let go, and looked to Scout. He watched Scout's frustration break, and he hung his head in shame.

“I know. I'm sorry. But I couldn't just talk to you all. It is a little more than upsetting for me, because you all got to know how—much sex means to me. And I am more than embarrassed to admit something I never thought I would have to admit. This part of my life was perfect, and I got to be the person I always have been, but talking about it would break the illusion that nothing was wrong so I ignored it and look what I did this time. I always make the wrong decisions in the end, and I always find a way to make things worse, no matter where I go. It was probably a mistake to think that this would work out well. I always fuck things up. And I am sorry for that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ᕕ(✿•̀∇•́)ᕗ
> 
> posting chapters!
> 
> yes!


	9. Ghost Stories Best Told Around A Campfire

Medic leaned heavily against his door. Scout's words penetrated the door, but also it pierced his heart. He didn't know how to treat this hurt he felt, it was a hurt in his heart that was neither cardiovascular nor lymphatic. All he could do was stand by helplessly as Scout felt the pain and it echoed within him in a way he hadn't felt in years. 

Scout didn't fuck things up. He made things better, between his sweet smile and his curious intelligence and his winning attitude. They hired Scout with a job description that was vaguely based on his speed and agility, but it was the boost to team morale that helped them the most. Perhaps he had been too hard on Scout, had given him the wrong idea when he had hid his own delight for the Scout's company. But the Scout's company was truly delightful to the born and bred teacher hidden within the Medic's soul. 

He couldn't even bring to fruition intelligent thoughts about how he felt about the Scout baring his feelings right then. It was probably problematic that hearing Scout share his feelings was both enjoyable and crippling. Seeing this man so vulnerable while he knew very well that he could and would bash in your face with his fists made his heart cringe, but warmed him to his core with love. He grabbed the cloth at his chest.

He had been right. Scout was abstaining, for Medic's sake. But he wondered if he had been wrong about it only being about sex. Scout didn't know he was listening just then. He wasn't holding back, either. He wasn't laughing it away or scheming with his team to get into his pants. He hadn't even brought it up. This whole experience was distressing him, and Scout had no other excuse to give because even while he wasn't acting like the Scout he had come to know, he was still so much of himself that Medic was appalled. 

Scout wasn't a slut. He wasn't always happy times and fun rides, baseball bats and loud words. But he was honest. He didn't give any excuses when he apologized. He didn't make up any stories or try to run away from the problem when it was headed for him straight on. He ran at them at ten times the speed, and he would beat them no matter the solution. Some would call him stubborn, but Medic found it endearing, now he could actually see that in him. And his guilt weighed on his chest almost as heavily as the words he heard out of the Scout did. 

He heard his team-mates conversing with Scout, many questions being hurled Scouts direction about many things. Medic had heard everybody comfort Scout about being a fuck up, and that made him feel better for not being there, but all at the same time, he felt worse. He hadn't realized that extent to which they all cared for the runner. He knew they had all slept with him, but until then he hadn't realized that they wanted to take care of Scout too.

He felt like he stood in the middle of a very large crack in the ground, so large that he could be swallowed into the nothingness below. On one side, Scout stood; on the other side, RED team. He had one foot was on Scout's side, and the other on RED teams. He understood what it felt like for the RED team, what they felt and why they felt it. But he was also closer to Scout than any of them, and Scout wanted him to be on his side, and he was trying to pull him across. 

RED team could enjoy Scout's company, could pleasure in his body, but the crack in the ground was like the line Scout drew between you and his emotional availability. No one could take care of him unless he let you across, and that was a hard line to cross. Medic realized that Scout had been letting him across, and none of this situation would have been happening if he had just accepted that. Scout had to depend on the rest of the team now because he was pushing the Runner away.

Scout was talking again. He was answering a question. “...and you're right, he's probably straight as a fucking arrow and wouldn't ever go for a slut like me. He's got better standards than me. I know that but I can't help it. It's like when you know, you know. And I thought I felt this way for some of you, but it's nothing like this. And I was glad I hadn't fallen in love with any of you, because we were all so close and I didn't want anything to break it up. I didn't want this to happen. You know?” 

“Scout, It's okay.” He heard Pyro as Scout sighed. “We know what you mean, but we don't want you to be upset anymore, kay?” 

“Don't let him push you around.” This was from Sniper. It sounded much more disgruntled than Pyro's voice, and something about Sniper's accusations in general felt much more personal than the rest of them.

“Who do you think I am, Sniper? If anybody is pushing anybody around it's me, and you know it. He's a good person. He teaches me things and we talk about things other than sex or war. And I don't have to love him to like doing things with him.”

“Scout.” The room grew quite at the Spy's beacon for attention. He was closest to Medic's door, the least muffled. “You said you always fuck things up, no matter where you go.” Spy nearly managed an American accent while he said these things, but it was too funny the way it came out his mouth that Medic quirked a smile. But it immediately dropped. “What did you mean by this, Scout?” They were quiet. But Scout didn't miss a beat.

“I would have told you if I wanted to tell you.” He sounded annoyed. As if nobody should have asked that question in the first place.

“Now, Scout, keeping secrets is what brought us to this mess in the first place.” Engie commented, but Scout snapped at him as well.

“It's got nothing to do with this, okay? I am not going to tell you.”

“Scout, You know it won't matter if you tell us or not.” This was from Spy again. It was a threat. Scout hesitated. There was silence, and Medic watched his doves as the silence pressed. Suddenly he heard a chair tumble violently to the ground and Scout was screaming at the corner where Spy stood.

“You fucking snake don't you fucking dare go snooping into my background or I'll crack you in the head so hard you'll have permanent brain damage!” 

“Scout, sit down!” 

“Don't do it!”

“Scout!” 

“Is this about that girl you always send your paychecks to?” From his tone Medic knew Spy knew that this was exactly what it was about. But it was news for everyone else in the room. Scout was cussing up a storm before Medic could decide to return to the scene. Opening the door, Scout was uncontrollably shouting at Spy as he strained against a giant Russian arm to get at the Frenchman. 

“Hey!”Medic had to shout to try to be heard above Scout. Scout didn't hear him, but all other people in the room realized his presence. Heavy began gathering the little American boy in his arm. Medic shouted louder.

“SCOUT!”

“I'm going to break your smug little face and kick in your sternum and collapse your chest cavity and shove my bat down your windpipe! Imma--”

SCOUT!” The runner startled as Medic marched up to him during his threat and socked him square in the jaw. Scout blinked dazedly. “Could you be silent for a minute?” Scout's startled grey eyes locked with Medic's but then they turned back to Spy, who not once looked smug about the situation. There was a distinct sadness in his eyes.

“No! That French fuck is going to look into all my personal shit and I swear to god if you do I'm going to find a lead pipe and I'm gonna--”

“Scout stop that.” Heavy rumbled as Scout began to claw at the hairy forearms of the Russian man around him. When Scout didn't exactly stop, Heavy only found a better way to clamp down around him and pin his arms down. By the end of situating the little man, he was nearly cradling him in the crook of his arm.

“I don't understand why you are angry, monsieur. I made it explicitly known that it was necessary that I know all of the contents in my team mates personal files. That includes the facts that you send a paycheck to a woman named—”

“Don't you fucking say her name you fucking shit, I'll sew your lips closed after I make you—ow!” Heavy was squeezing him a little bit too tightly.

“It shows your stupidity that you didn't realize that, monsieur Scout.”

“Hey!” Medic turned on a dime and glared at Spy. “Stop provoking him, Herr Spion. Scout is much smarter than you might anticipate, and making a fool of him is hardly any way to help him feel better, if that was the intention of this whole circus act you dummkopfs are putting him through.” There was an awkward pause as the implications of his words sank in. Spy's face turned sour.

“Yes, I suppose it was wrong of me to antagonize Scout as such, but...” He turned his gaze to Scout. “I know who and where your checks go to but even I have boundaries. Considering the state of your well being right this moment, I can see I need to dig a little deeper. I want to give the chance to hear it straight from the source instead of having to seek it myself. It's a pleasure I would only give to you, so keep that in mind.” Scout stayed quiet, and he relaxed into Heavy's arms a little as he realized that Spy meant to apologize.

“Fuck you, Spy.”

“You give me no choice, then.” Scout growled at Spy as he balanced himself again, and began to walk towards the doors.

“Spy stay here, I'll fucking tell you you little shit.” Spy stopped in front of the doorway. He was in the process of uncovering his black leather gloves, but instead he paused with them in his hands, waiting. Scout rolled his eyes, never one to be forced into things.

“Well?” Scout grumbled under his breath, but gave in as Heavy let his legs fall to the floor from where he had been crushing them to his chest.

“Her name was Lily, alright? And she was...my sun and moon.” Scout had the entire rooms attention. At these words, Heavy sat back down and held the man in his arms gently now as the rest of them settled in as if for a campfire story. Scout hesitated as they brought seats up and gave him undivided attention. This as not suppose to be a long story, but it looked like he was meant to make it one. Medic stood back again, and waited. 

“We lived together in Boston, met her at a sporting goods store while I was looking for new running shoes. We were inseparable. We got an apartment together, round the outside of the city near where she worked, and we got one of those little dogs, like those marshmellow things. She loved that dog almost more than she loved me. But about around our fifth anniversary together, we thought she had a stroke. Turns out she had cancer, a tumor in her brain and she had to be taken in for an immediate surgery to get it fixed. They relieved the pressure, but they said she was inoperable at that moment. So they put her on chemo to shrink it, but it was slow. I basically lived in the hospital with her. Until she told me she had applied me for a job with RED. I was so angry with her, but she told me that since she couldn't travel the world like she wanted to, I would have to do it for her. She wanted me to be here, so I couldn't say no. And the day before I left, she broke up with me. Right after we had gotten news that her tumor was beginning to shrink, she told me that she never wanted to see me again. And then I was sent to the training facility for RED scouts and here I am.” 

“And she's still receiving treatment in Boston?” Scout stared at Spy, but he looked away just then.

“No. She's dead.” Scout could feel Heavy flinch around him, but he didn't hesitate. “My checks began to bounce within a couple of months. My letters too. I called the hospital but she wasn't there anymore.” Scout let his arms fall to the thighs he sat on, before he jumped out of Heavy's lap and stood, staring at Spy coldly. “And that's it. Do you have what you want now? Or do you want to know more?” Scout glared, but all anyone saw was sadness in the Spy's eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay I wanted to preface this chapter with that I do not like OC's in fanworks based around canon characters. This fic is not an exception, and Lily will not play any major role in the fic except for character building and to give Scout a past. On that note, there WILL be something involving her near the end of the fic, but I promise it will not mess with Scout and Medics relationship as it stands. 
> 
> Please dont hate me yet. We have so much other stuff to go through that this won't even touch the surface of things that will make you hate me for. Reserve all of your hatred for me until the very end. When I'm finished posting this fic, then you can hate me.


	10. Enemies of the Enemy is Your Enemies Ally too

Despite the utterly depressing story, Scout was never one to let that linger long. But he did need time to cool. And naturally he hit some up in the back of the barn. He hit up baseballs, that is. The loud cracks echoed in through the barn as Scout made no effort to hide how much residual anger he had pent up inside. 

Sniper hunted down Spy not long after. And between the silence in the abandoned city and the loud thundering cracks of wood against leather, some conversation was well appreciated by the spook.

“Hey.” Sniper waltz into the Frenchman’s bunk room, finding him snubbing out a cigarette before turning to look at his doorway.

“It's morning, monsieur.” Spy chuckled halfheartedly. He watched Sniper lean in his doorway and tiredly removed his shades, revealing his bright eyes. It was always a pleasure for Spy to see the Sniper's eyes, since while the rest of the lean man seemed dirty and dull, his eyes never failed to shine, even despite it's dull grey-green color. Spy saw him breathe in heavily.

“Yeah, but it wasn't a good one. I don't know what's more troubling, Scout's bit or the BLU's. I'm beat already, and I didn't even have to do half the physical fighting you did.” Spy frowned.

“Yes, it has been an eventful morning. But I wouldn't call it quits yet. It's only just begun.” Sniper had gotten good at reading the Spy, but even now he was having trouble understanding what he was up to this time.

“What do you actually think about this Scout and Medic thing? I mean, I never thought this would be a problem for us. And we all agreed, if anyone got involved it had to be a fair fight but this is just....”

“A low blow? A kick below the belt? Insult added to injury?” Spy supplied. Sniper gripped the doorframe and stood ram-rod straight, gesturing with his hands.

“Well, it's just ridiculous is what it is! Weather I believe it at all, Scout doesn't know what he's getting into! Medic is sick in the head, have you seen some of the things he does?” 

“I have, monsieur, but do remember what he does is completely legal and for science. I don't doubt that.” Spy took a measured sip of the glass that sat on his desk. Sniper relaxed, and eyed the amber drink from his post.

“I don't know. It just makes me nervous about what he likes to do in his off time, and in bed. I don't want Scout to get hurt, and something in my gut tells me he's probably got some weird kink or something.”

“Scout can handle himself.”

“I know that. I know. He handles a group of military men, and Medic isn't really the most remarkable out of all us. But I trust the rest of the team. That man has always given me the heebies, ever since I met him.”

“Ah, but you haven't truly seen how he works, Sniper. Perhaps it's your distance from battle that steels you from his gentle side. I have seen it, and it's not something many do get to see. He wears an iron mask into battle, but I don't fault the Scout in his affections. It only saddens me...”

“No shit. I'm pissed. And he doesn't even get it. He doesn't even know how much some of us fought over him. I mean, if it wasn't for Heavy, I don't think we would even be talking right now.” Spy laughed at Sniper, which made him frown deeper, but Spy sighed and revealed another glass from under his desk and offered him a drink. Sniper's frown softened at that.

“Yes, I know. That man certainly can pacify anyone with brute force if need be. I remember when he did the same thing to you once, and you are no easy man to ball up.” 

“No kidding. I was not happy.” 

“I seem to have that effect on people.” Spy seemed sad then, as he poured Sniper a drink and handed it to him. “I do not mean to be. Scout's past was not unknown to me, I've known much of it for quite a while. And I was not unaware of how Scout felt towards Medic. But the way he's been acting is as if being in love is a crime. Maybe Medic had something to do with that, by way of how he acts, but that's not the only reason, and I knew it.”

“How long have you known?”

“After our first tryst, he left me with the impression that he had been a male prostitute and to make up for bad business he joined the military.”

“That far back, huh?”

“Yes. Actually, do you want to see her?” Spy lifted his head, watching Sniper, gauging him. Sniper's eyebrows shot up.

“You have a picture of her?” Sniper watched him nod carefully, and he lowered his voice as he reached again under his desk and pulled out an envelop after pawing for it a bit.

“Do not tell Scout I have this. I think he would really bash my face in for it, Heavy or no Heavy.” Sniper gaped as he uncovered the photos. There were a few. Scout was in one of them, but the others were her alone, in an apartment that was so obviously shared between her and Scout that she might as well have written it on the back of the photo. Two were hilarious mugshots where she was grinning ear to ear and covered in paint or something very colorful. He lingered on them, marveling.

She was beautiful. Plump, rosey cheeks with wide, blue eyes, and long dark hair. He suspected she had some real Native heritage by the color of her skin, but it was the blue eyes that let him on to European heritage as well. He studied her smile, the way her skin glowed with a dewy look, and when he said long hair, he meant that it was past her ass. Young children could probably play jump rope with it.

But he slide the last photo out from behind the first two. There was a ghost in this one. Barely a slip, she was propped in a hospital bed at a recline, a book in her hands. She tried smiling, but her thin face made it look sharp and garish compared to the other pictures. A little band was around her wrist, and there was an iv in her arm. But what had changed most obviously was her pale, bald head. Sniper felt his stomach drop.

“Jesus. He had to loose all of this?” Spy took the pictures from Sniper's fingers and carefully replaced them into the envelop.

“Oui.” He said softly, returning the envelop to his desk. “And I think he blames himself. He seems to do that a lot. If you remember when he first got here how strange he was when it came to sleeping with the lot of us that first time, he didn't want to start a fight. I found it rather comical, but he took it very seriously.”

“I remember. And now he has feelings for that creep he knows it's going to mess things up. Now I think about the last time we had him he didn't really act like his usual self. I just thought it was to do with that BLU creep or something. I guess not.”

“I wouldn't be entirely sure that the rape had nothing to do with this.” Spy commented casually. Sniper leaned against his bed, giving him a quirk of the brow.

“And why not?”

“I believe Scout started to truly develop feelings for the Medic then. It wasn't long after that he stopped sleeping with us, and if he wanted to get into Medic's pants he would know that Medic does not approve with his sex habits.”

“Scout really is a smart little shit isn't he?”

“When it comes to what he wants, yes.”


	11. We Share Because We Care

It was maybe an hour before respawn would kick in that Soldier marched out to find Scout huffing up a storm of condensed air, whacking away at baseballs like no tomorrow. Soldier had given Demo and Pyro the excuse that he needed air, and left them to talk, but really he was looking to talk with Scout.

“Scout.” Soldier called promptly without having to yell. The air was still that morning. There was not a whisper nor a whistle. Scout stomped on a remote that promptly stopped the thing that flung the balls at him.

“What?!” Scout flipped around before he registered who's voice he was hearing. It was a surprise that Soldier was the one who approached.

“Calm yourself, maggot. I just want to talk.” Soldier was different, but Scout couldn't place it. Sure, he had his helmet off, but it wasn't the first time he had seen the nearly bald buzz that Soldier sported. He wore less than most in the cold of the winter, barely a windbreaker over his uniform. Scout was always reminded of a fighter pilot when he looked at Soldier with his helmet off.

“Oh. Hello.” Scout couldn't find a reason to get more angry with this member of his team. Soldier had always been a quiet one, but lately he had taken up a stance of silence. It was strange to see him just then, when all his attentions had been diverted from him.

“Look, private. I've been hearing what you've been telling, but I'm still not convinced.” Soldier watched Scout cross his arms, but frowned a little when he shifted his weight to one foot as if he wanted to tap the other. There came no tapping. “Are you honestly not bothered with the BLU Soldier, or have you been taking advantage of our trust in you?”

Scout was about to grow upset with this persistent topic, but then he saw the look on Soldier's face. There was a true concern there that he knew took effort not to hide. Soldier usually yelled at them when something emotional made them seem weak. He was consistent in his stance that men did not cry, and that talking about your feelings was something women did. He shouted up and down about sucking it up and taking your lumps. But the look on his face just then made Scout shiver.

“I'm okay, really. Maybe I was a little shaken at first, but it's not like I just didn't deal with it or talk about it. I'm over that, I promise.”

“Why, then do your actions correlate directly with that day?” He didn't play around. Scout huffed, and crossed his arms. Twice, Scout wanted to say something. But he couldn't. Instead, Soldier gave him a look of incredulity, and settled his hand on his hip.

“Scout, look. I knew when it happened that I was the last person you would ever want to talk to. But you seem to think it's not a problem anymore, and I understand that. Nobody likes to think that they were taken advantage of. Especially when we are men. But it happens, and I wouldn't want to leave someone I care about in the dark on something so terrifying.” Scout saw something dark run past his face.

“Are—are you speaking from experience?” He seemed to go into shock for a moment as Soldier let his silence sink in, before continuing.

“I was raped repeatedly when I was a child, and as a teenager my offender came back and tried it again. It's a lot harder to rape a teenager who knew how to use a hunting rifle. That's how I got stuck here. I had to be sent to bootcamp as sentence for my self-defense, and I just never left.”

“Oh man. I'm so sorry.” Scout's face fell as he reached out to take his arm, maybe in a half attempt to hug the man. But Soldier didn't move to reflect that hug. He wanted as little pity as Scout did.

“Scout, if you need any help, I am here. And I won't let it happen to you again, at least not on my watch.”

“Wow, man, okay. I really appreciate that. But I can promise to you the only thing that's changed is things between me and Medic. That's really what happened that day, for me. I don't even think about that day anymore. Really.”

 

* * *

 

“Really, Herr Heavy, I am forever in your debt.” Heavy watched the man across from him as he relaxed against the wall, holding his chest as if it might burst open. Heavy was still sat in his seat from earlier, when Scout had thought he would try to beat up Spy.

“Doktor, you easy-dropped on team while we had team meet?” Medic quirked a smile at the large Russian's lack of vocabulary.

“I did not have to eavesdrop, I knew what was going to be said long before it was said. But you are truly loyal, Herr Heavy. I could not ask for a safer secret to be kept but for with you.”

“Is nothing, I promise.” Heavy waved it away, his hand coming to rest on his thighs as he sat forward in his chair. There was a moment of recognition between the two, a quirk in the Heavy's bald brow, Medic's dark eyes catching his in a glance so meaningful he couldn't stay in it for more than two seconds. There would never be much more than close friendship and mutual respect between the two, but both of those things allowed for rare occasions in which even Medic could enjoy a night with another.

Medic took a hand to his hairline and brushed it back slowly, raking his fingers thoroughly through it. He broke the silence with a loud sigh.

“I don't know what I am going to do about this Scout. He is rather troublesome, isn't he?” Medic saw a large smile grow on the Heavy's face as he said this, but he shook his head.

“Maybe for Doktor. Scout is not so bad for us. You would understand if you had more sex with team. Is not such a terrible ordeal.”

“I'm sure it's not, for you. But you understand that I am not a creature who shares well, and we know how that can cause problems.”

“Doktor, is very different than--”

“Herr Heavy, It is not necessary to talk about what has happened in the past.” Heavy gave him a meaningful gaze, meant to convey the opposite of just what he said, but did not respond again.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since I missed last weekend I'm making up for it with extra chapters. We are at page 28 of 58 in my word doc. I still have to finish it, but I have looooots of chapters to post in the meanwhile.
> 
> sorry for short chapter


	12. Comebacks Are Hard Things To Make

Things were a muddled nest, and Scout wasn't sure what was really happening anymore. The only sure thing was battle. He got his only true time out from his emotional turmoil when he got going on a good kill-streak. It was mindless, but fun. And in the same vein, almost too fun while he stretched his legs under him and basked in the feeling of teeth being knocked out of heads and ribs cracking under his bat. They couldn't push the payload back any farther than the curled parts of broken track, but they made good and sure that the cart was nestled into the gnarled track before respawn shut down again that day.

The rest of that week was spent picking up the pieces of whatever had happened between them all. Nobody had really talked to him after Soldier, and they gave him space enough to cool off. Scout needed that the most.

It was Spy who attempted an apology first. He started with a proposition, which included some limited-edition baseball cards and a sappy poem, but Scout stopped him when he saw the neatly maintained card under the plastic sleeve, and ended it when he heard “I got this for you.” Spy knew it was easy to pacify the runner, but he still wanted to have a conversation at length.

He explained that he only did it to help him. Something so weighty as his problems would stunt him if he just let it stew. Scout wouldn't comment on any of it, which just let Spy know that Scout knew he was right. Not dealing with a problem was not that same as getting rid of it.

Everybody else kind of apologized in their own ways, over the week. He maintained that none of them other than Spy had really done anything wrong. But they still felt the need to apologize for not paying more attention to him where he really needed it, or assuming things without asking first. Plenty of things that Scout didn't want apologizes for. But specifically he hated when they tried to sympathize with him about Lily.

Scout wouldn't listen to any of that. At the mention of the name or any female pronoun he stood and left. There was no talking to him about the situation. And Scout wanted it to stay that way.

But by the end of the week, Scout was more frustrated than anything. A combination of emotional exhaustion and physical exertion made it hard for him to feel any sexual urges, and even when he did he got so angry at Medic that he stopped out of spite. He was being strung along, and he was letting the doctor do it. Heavy had been very clear when he had told Scout that Medic had been listening. Not that he didn't already know everything Scout had said to the team, but that he had admit all of the problems Scout had caused was for his sake, Scout had thought he would say something. But instead, Medic went right back to his normal routine. Medic virtually ignored him and everything that had happened.

Scout would not be the first one to break the silence. He wanted to just forget about the man who aggravated him. That was all that was on his mind when he woke up that weekend. Scout was not good at dealing with his feelings, and he knew it would be a rough weekend if he didn't do something about his emotions. Fighting was his go to fix now, where he could forget about these things. But without the fighting, he had sex, and running. So Scout decided to run.

He tugged at his track jacket, the silky material on the outer layer warm to the touch where it nestled under his chin in a turtle-neck line. He scratched his head before taking up the fur-lined cap and decidedly leaving his headset on his desk.

It was probably the warmest morning they had had all winter long. Christmas was just around the corner, but he was less concerned with it than the others. He use to celebrate holidays by finding a fuck buddy and some wine and chocolate. He enjoyed the fuck-buddy more than any tree or paper-wrapped gift, now. But the dead winter air spoke of no such thing this Christmas. If he kept up his dry-streak, come holiday time he would be very, very alone.

He was tired of this. Jogging along the path he knew was well worn, but also dusted with snow from the nights before, he found himself thinking. So he ran a little harder. Thoughts needed to cease. He did not want to think about his emotions. What problems he had could be solved later, but today he needed to run. If he didn't run today, the thoughts of anger and hurt would consume him. Medic's soft smile lingered in his head as he realized that hurt was the best word to describe his feelings. Hurt, because that smile, so sincere when he had seen it, was just as unreachable right then as the disgusted scowl he had once seen.

Scout began to slow. Medic was ignoring him, very thoroughly. He hadn't really seen Medic for a full three days, at least. Hadn't seen his smile, nor his frown. Had only heard his voice during battle, when he blocked out all other things than pain and making others feel it. While Medic was out healing wounds, Scout was bursting them all open like pinatas on strings. But Medic refused to dress the wound he had gouged into Scout's heart.

Scout growled at himself before he could come to a complete stop. This was not working. Not even running was distracting him. He figured he must be doing it wrong, then. And without a second thought he sent his body hurdling into a sprint faster than any speeds he could maintain within battle. When it was just him, his legs, and the dirt path that weaved out towards the mountain side and then swung back towards the barn, he could make the lap in an hour, at least. It was a long trek, and the further away he got the less defined the path.

 

Around lap 3, as he began to see all the details of the barn again, he watched a little red firebug waiting for him impatiently at the barn door. He was too far off to even shout to the man, but that was when he realized he had lost track of time, and he had lost track of his clothing. He had lost his hat first, then his mittens, which was followed by his scarf and his track suit jacket was hanging open, ready for him to fling off. He still had a dusting of snow in his hair from the light flurry he had been subject to as he began to hit the fourth curve out, but it had stopped a mile back. He imagined what he must look like.

But as he came to a trot and jogged up to the barn, finally realizing how out of breathe he was, all of his muscles protested. They wanted to keep going. Looking at the Pyro's face, he wanted to keep going. Running away from his problems was much more efficient than running towards them. But Pyro looked impatiently on as he huffed to catch the breath he had been so easily controlling earlier, and finally they were within speaking distance.

“Scout, I want to make us all lunch today!” He explained with a smile as Scout doubled over, trying to catch a breath.

“Yeah? Are we going to have coal with a side of char again?” Scout laughed as he watched the frown form on Pyro's face. Pouting, he looked at the snow covered ground and held his sides.

“No. I was going to make chili.” He grumbled. Scout gave him a good-natured smile and nudged him to see it, before raising his arms to rest them on top of his head.

“I'll eat it. My ma use to make me chili on cold nights too.” Pyro smiled a little, his rosy cheeks beaming in the sudden gust of wind. “Oh man, it's cold out here though, ain't it?” He let his arms fall and then gave an overly dramatic burring sound effect before Pyro finally laughed and Scout ushered him inside.

Scout watched Pyro brush off the snow from his boots, and shook out his blonde curls, which only made the bounce in a jolly fashion. But when Pyro looked up at Scout, his hands immediately found his head and he brushed off the snow from his hair.

“Where's your hat?” He asked. Scout shrugged.

“You know me, I just loose my clothes in weird places sometimes.” Scout chuckled, and it was an easy line for him to say. But Pyro only gave a half-hearted giggle, looking a little uncomfortable.

“Yeah, you use to.” Scout wasn't sure what he meant by that at first. Talking to Pyro, someone he considered a close friend and perhaps even his best friend, he knew when something was off. Maybe Pyro was easy to read, but this felt strange. Pyro always tittered with happiness when he talked to Scout. He was just as flirtatious right back, no matter who Scout was sleeping with or anything at all. Pyro he never had problems with.

And then it hit him like a lightning strike. Between the uncertain smile and the squint in his bright grey eyes, Scout detected the smallest hint of jealousy.

When had that gotten there? Scout's smile turned down as he began to see the emotions reflect off of his face. Pyro's smile melted into an sad line. His face said everything.

Scout felt the emotions well up in a volcanic burst this time. The hurt he felt was right there in Pyro's eyes, too. The anger, the sadness, the resentment. It all bubbled up and all of it needed to spill out and it was about to be right then.

He knew what Pyro was upset about. It was simple, but so very complex. Pyro excused him for being absent for so long because maybe Scout had been hurt. And he didn't know what to do about that but to wait for Scout to come to him first. He never did. He never felt like he need to tell anybody that he was ignoring them for one other man. Pyro must have felt abandoned after finding out, and Scout hadn't realized that.

Scout grabbed Pyro by his arm, and pushed his lips against the smaller mans. Scout knew all about abandonment. He knew how it felt to think someone would talk to you, but never did. And he hated waiting for them to make the first move. Well, Pyro wouldn't have to feel that way anymore.

They would always be just friends, but damn Pyro had the sweetest mouth he had ever felt on a man. He felt the other melt into the kiss and heard him moan a little when Scout crushed him against his body, feeling the warm fire in the center of the little firebug warm his core too. All his gurgling emotions bubbled over into their kiss, where he did little battle with Pyro for dominance as he forced Pyro's tongue out of the way with his.

Pyro was humming by the time Scout thought to move their bodily selves out of the cold. But his sexual frustration topped with a desperate need to rid himself of his emotions led them tumbling into a stack of wooden crates, where Scout pulled away to check to make sure he hadn't been hurt, but Pyro only pulled him back down into the kiss, leaning heavily on the crates as he pawed at the back of Scout's jacket.

Scout had to admit, it felt more than nice to finally touch another human body. He had been craving this for a while. And he refused to think about why he had been resisting. He refuse to let Medic control him anymore.

Sometime during this kiss Pyro managed to get him out of his suit jacket. It was puddled behind his feet. He managed to hook his fingers under Pyro's thick woolen sweater. The feeling of fingertips digging into his muscles made his pants tighten. He heard himself let out a desperate little sound, which made Pyro giggle into his mouth.

“Scout.” He murmured against his lips before Scout pulled away.

“What? It's been a really long time in my books, okay?”

“I know.” His voice was low as he looked up at the runner. Scout could see their puffs of warm breathes clouding between the two of them. It was getting colder the longer they stood there.

“So do you wanna do it in your bunk or mine?” The tone in Scout's voice sounded eager, but Pyro gave him a dutiful pat to his chest.

“Neither. I'm making chili, remember?” He watched Scout's eyes widen at this.

“What? You mean to tell me that you don't want to fuck me? I don't ever recall this happening to me before.”

“Except with Medic.” Pyro looked up at the boy in his arms with a meaningful stare. Scout stared, mouth floundering for a moment before a pained look crossed him and he groaned.

“Not this, okay? Just, anything but this don't do this.” He moaned as he pressed his hips against Pyro in a last ditch attempt to keep him pinned to the crates. Pyro stood, forcing Scout to stand back as he shook his head.

“I appreciate this, Scout. I really do. But I want you to go talk to Medic before you make a mistake. It's been a really long time, and I think there was a reason for that.” Scout made a pitiful sound, and it hurt Pyro's ears as he made the sound, but he remained firm as he watched the Scout pout as he crossed his arms.

“Agh, Pyro! Why do you got to be so fucking smart at all the wrong times, huh?” He moaned as Pyro reached down and picked up his track coat.

“Because some of us know when it's okay to be a big baby, and some of us don't.” He made it clear that he was talking about Scout, and finally left Scout to his own devices, making him promise to eat chili with him.

Pyro hummed at the smell of the kitchen as he walked inside. Demoman was busy checking the cornbread in the oven, and most of the team were dicking around in the open hall where he could see them. Scout had disappeared after talking to Pyro, and he assumed it was to talk with Medic. But Pyro also highly doubted himself on that. Scout was stupidly stubborn sometimes.

But his high mood was noticed by the black cyclopes as he stood up straight. Pyro smiled at him and took up the stirring of the pot on the stove.

“What's up with you, mumbles?” Pyro smiled at the Scottish man with a knowing look and hummed a little more before replying with a song in his words.

“Scout's back.” He listened as the rest of the team settled in and quieted.

“What does that mean?” Demo asked. He uncovered his hand from the oven mitt he had been wearing. His one eye was wide with curiosity. Pyro smirked and tapped his lips before rolling it under his teeth. A smile curled onto Demo's face as he realized what the Pyro meant.

“Scout's back?!” He asked again as Pyro nodded.

* * *

 Scout watched Pyro as they ate chili together. There were high spirits in the room today, for no discernible reason that Scout could figure out. He wanted to speak with the firebug again, but he had no chance before lunch, and Pyro was making a jolly show of ignoring him. Scout pouted as he spooned a mouthful of chili.

Medic ate in silence as the others made chatter around them. Pyro had said that this would help them get over the drama of things. But Scout seemed unable to find the cheer in having lunch together, and nobody really cared to sit near Medic except for Heavy. Scout could feel the doctors gaze on the back of his head, but he really didn't understand why.

As soon as he had sat down, Sniper had pressed up next to him and Spy had trapped his other exit casually, not sitting as closely but made sure that he knew it would be hard if he tried to leave. Pyro sat across from him and Demo was to the firebugs right. Soldier wanted to eat at a different cafeteria table but that never happened with the Demoman around, so he sat between Demo and Engie.

It had been relatively harmless conversations, mostly about the last weeks battles and compliments to the chef, but then Soldier mentioned the BLU teams own version of him, and they all began to bash the guy's creepy tendencies. But then it was a conversation Scout was very interested in.

“Well, he's definitely been getting more than I have.” Sniper commented, picking through the remains of his bowl like he might finish it but seemed too full for. He looked up to see varying expressions, but it was Pyro who was staring him down like he had gone to far. But Spy spoke up and gave a little nudge to Scout as he did,

“If you just wanted companionship, monsieur, you could just ask.” He took a napkin from in front of Scout and passed his nudge as a casual accident. But Scout only squinted an eye at him in confusion. But he saw the look over Spy's face, the smile behind the paper napkin, and his eyes widened. And a smile grew. Scout immediately turned around and beamed at the Sniper as he replied.

“Hey! I could help you out with that if you'd like?” His words tumbled out and Scout almost didn't know what he was going to say until he said it and for a split second he almost regret them and he knew he sounded way too eager for everything that had happened but there it was, and he was sticking by his resolution.

Everyone got quiet for a moment, Sniper was squinting at him with uncertainty but then a grin spread on his face. Scout felt the room relax and listened as they all began to make more casual jokes and conversation. Things felt normal. But looking back to Pyro, he saw that the firebug was less than okay with the situation. He grimaced at Sniper from under his blonde curls, and Scout watched the two of them have an unspoken conversation underneath the rest of the conversations that were going on. Scout would have to be left in dark about his team, again. Whatever was going on, he figured he would find out sooner or later anyway.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's still sunday. Here's the next chapter. I'm going to bed before it turns to monday.(that's a huge lie)


	13. Breaking the Ice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's been a while  
> I know I shouldn't have kept you waiting  
> But I'm here now
> 
> https://youtu.be/eQFIKP9rGhQ

Medic seethed. He had been waiting all week for the Scout to show up in his office, but that hadn't happened. At first, he figured he should give him some space. Scout was pissed with his team mates, and rightly so. Scout had also been a little annoyed with him, but that wasn't something new, at least he didn't think it was. There was complete silence from the boy. 

He had thought it had been obvious when he left the team meeting that he would be listening in anyway, especially for Scout. But apparently Scout had gotten it in his head that Medic was thicker than molasses. So Medic asked Heavy to tell Scout that he had heard everything Scout had talked about with the team. Still, Scout had yet to visit him. 

Medic had made it a habit to quick heal everybody after respawn closed and they were all heading back to base. But that didn't heal everything, and he KNEW Scout had to be hurting. There was evidence of that on his upper arm, where the left over bruises of a once broken arm lingered. Scout was being so stubborn he didn't even want to take care of his body because it would be Medic who did it.

So he had made plans to seek out Scout on their days off. But the morning of their first day off Scout had gone on a rather long run, and Demo had accidentally burnt his arm on the stove while preparing for lunch.

Now, he watched Scout deposit his dishes in the sink and walk next to Sniper, who clung an arm around the shorter man's shoulders as they talked about his morning run. Scout was explaining how he had a tendency to loose his clothes in weird places, and he was missing his last fur-lined hat this time. Sniper was suggesting a little walk out on the path to go looking for it, and naturally Scout gave an eager nod. He watched them leave as Demo began to clean up the kitchen and Pyro watched with harden eyes from the sink, scrubbing his dish slowly. Medic felt Heavy shift closer to him.

“Little rabbit seems strange today.” He commented as he reached out to take the German man's cleared bowl.

“If I knew any better I would say he does this to make me jealous.” 

“Perhaps he does. What will doktor do about that?” Medic clenched his hand against his thigh and probably wrinkled his coat.

“The Aussie can have his fun playing hide and seek with the Scout's hat, for now. I plan to talk with Scout when he returns.”

“I have much doubt Sniper plans on only finding hat, doktor. Will probably find Scout's zipper as well.” There was a grimace that donned on Medic's face with which Heavy did not find flattering on the man's face. 

“Perhaps. And in that case, I am sure they will not mind help in seeking the Scout's hat.” Medic stood abruptly, but before he could swing his leg around to leave, Heavy grabbed his coat sleeve.

“Please bundle up, doktor. Is suppose to be a blizzard tonight.” Medic frowned, but looking down at the concern from Heavy made his face soften.

“Damn right there is going to be a blizzard tonight.”

\-----

Scout could feel a chill up his spine, not from the ever dropping temperatures but something else. Something that gave him a gut feeling. Sniper's long legs made him have to keep up a brisk stride, amd the new snow made his tracks hard to follow, so they accidentally meandered from the path more than once before they found the entrance which ran into a wooded area. He had already found one mitten on the way.

“I think we're lucky enough already!” Sniper nudged him a little as they began to walk through a tunnel under dense branches above. They kept close enough to one another that he occasionally bumped into the taller man and they chuckled at each other as they searched the snow covered path.

“Nah, I think we'll find it eventually. I remember throwing it into one of the bushes around here.” Scout reassured as Sniper slowed to a stop and gave a scan of the area with his hawk-like vision.

“So, did ya really mean what ya said?” Sniper watched as Scout turned around, a few feet ahead of him. He blinked at Sniper, who then looked away a little ashamedly, and then covered his arms with his palms and rubbed the thin sleeves of his flannel shirt.

“What? About sleeping with you?” Scout grinned as he rounded back to meet Sniper face to face. “Hell fucking yeah! I'm ready right now if you wanna go!” He spread his arms invitingly, and Sniper chuckled at him.

“Let's find yer hat first, you little ankle-biter.” He reached up and mussed Scout's short brown hair and laughed as Scout swatted his hand away and they kept walking.

“Yeah, but then I'm gonna get my ass pounded, right?” He sounded a little desperate. Sniper glanced at him between scanning the brush for his hat. Scout was also looking out into the brush, but his face spoke of that desperation.

“Don't you worry, you'll get what's coming.” He assured as they walked deeper into the dead woodland. 

It was quiet as they walked, searching the path and brush around. Scout was already sporting a tight crouch, which Sniper noticed when Scout sprinted ahead to investigate something. The wind began to pick up as they began to curve around, but before it got much colder, or later, Scout was shouting in glee.

“I guess I chucked it into the tree!” He laughed at himself as he stood back and stared up into the branches above. Scout's fur-lined hat dangled from one of the lower hanging branches. As Sniper caught up, he watched Scout try once for the hat, but there was a good pile of leaves covered with snow right in the way of where he would need to stand, and he was just too short to reach.

“Here, I got it for ya.” Sniper leaned around and plucked it off for him, his long arms having to really stretch but he knocked it down and caught it in time. Brushing the accumulation of snow from the wind-ward facing side, he turned and slide it home on Scout's head. “There we are, then.” Scout beamed up at the Aussie as he let his hands rest on Scout's shoulders. His hands were warm. The snow just then got heavy enough to filter in through the canopy of branches above. It was already starting to get dark, the only indication of how much further north they had been stationed. Scout theorized that they were somewhere in Russia, but Heavy claimed that the plane ride here had been much longer than he would anticipate, having already been in Russia.

Scout flattened the flaps down onto his ears, nestling further under his turtle-neck and gave Sniper an affectionate smile. He shivered some more, and suddenly he leaned in and nuzzled his chest, murmuring something under his breathe about being cold. He nuzzled his nose against Snipers puffy vest, but then managed to find a warmer spot at the top where it was just slightly unzipped. He pressed his nose there, and felt his warmth radiating through.

“It's good to have you back, Scout.” Sniper mumbled as he hugged the younger man. He squeezed his shoulders and meant to break the hug, but Scout snaked his arms around Sniper's middle and reached up onto his toes, mashing his face against Sniper's.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hellooooo my sweet cinnamon buns~! I've returned with a hot vengeance. I really hope your ready for Scout to get his ass kicked!
> 
> I will now be including a few lyrics in the chapter summary and songs that helped inspire the chapter. Some chapters have very, very specific songs, but others will probably be stretched as I wrote a ton of this stuff back during Christmas last year. 
> 
> Seeing as music really helps me with this fanfic, and sometimes keeps me writing it, I have a playlist devoted to my Scout and Medic. Have fun listing to it, because ever single song in the list has a very specific purpose, and they all tie into my fic somewhere!!
> 
> http://8tracks.com/shadeyrain/love-like-war


	14. Do You Want to Build a Snowman?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We only have each other  
> It's just you and me  
> What are we gonna do?
> 
> https://youtu.be/9YwXff-i1fY

Sniper gave very little resistance as Scout kissed him, and what little resistance he had withered away with a sigh of content. The cold beat against his arms, he could feel his cheeks turning rosy as Scout pulled him closer into their slow kiss. He wanted to melt into the younger boy, to drink in the softness of his lips against Sniper's own chapped lips, take in his warmth and warm him in the same moment.

Scout heard birds fluttering away in the brush. He pulled away for a moment to catch his breath, but Sniper leaned closer and caught him in another kiss.

“H-hey...” Scout grumbled under his lips. Sniper pushed against him harder, silencing him as he forced his tongue into Scout's mouth. The wind blew harder, making Scout shiver against him. He must have though that shiver was more, because Sniper bucked his hips back against Scout. He moaned against the taller man.

Scout had to take a step back when Sniper bucked against him again, otherwise he might have fallen to his ass. Which Sniper was now grabbing to hold him tight. Scout sighed and hugged him closer, forgetting about the birds and the cold.

As soon as he did, Scout felt a hand grab his shoulder, and he was ripped away from Sniper before he could react. When he opened his eyes, Sniper was too and they both turned to find what looked like a dark haired spectre in the snow, angry that they might disrespect the woodlands they tread upon. The snow came down so hard now, he was surprised he ignored it so completely before. The cold seeped into his clothes, his flesh began to freeze.

“What the hell--” Scout felt the hand on his shoulder drop to his upper arm and it clamped onto him tightly, and tugged him away as Sniper was left there reeling.

“Hey!” Scout shouted at the man. He could see under the bulky scarf was the square jaw he knew to be the Medic. But because his heavy jacket and bulky scarf were both just as fucking white as his skin he looked near ghostly in the snow.  
He said nothing, but above the now howling wind it would have been hard to hear him through the scarf that covered his mouth. Scout could see his angry dark brows, just as he had seen his dark hair as it blew all across his face, messing up the neat curl he usually had there. Scout realized they were headed back the way they had come, along the path and towards the barn, Sniper utterly forgotten.

His arm began to ache with the vise like grip Medic held on it. He dragged the smaller boy out of the woods. It was still near half an hour until they reached the barn, and outside of the shelter of the trees he could just barely see the outline of the barn. The sun was low enough now that the trees cast a shadow across the entire grounds between it and the barn. The cold began to sink towards his bones. Medic probably felt it worse than he did.

Scout could tell the man was angry. It was in his grip, but mostly in his brisk stride as he led the runner back to base. Scout had to near trot to keep up with every bodies long legs, but this was really a force to be reckoned with. As for the reason why Medic was even here, out in the cold to collect the wayward runner was still to be answered, and as for why the doctor was so angry, Scout had his idea.

Yes, after Pyro had made him stop Scout had been bat-shit insane for sexual relief. Scout refused to take care of it himself, so instead he went and pouted outside of Medic's office for a full twenty minutes before finally high-tailing it away to the kitchen for lunch, an ordeal he had promised to be at. But between being rejected and scowling at the door to the infirmary, he had time to place full blame for his situation on Medic. 

Sniper's comment had been the perfect out to his situation. Find a fuck-buddy, announce that they were going to fuck in front of everybody, show Medic that he didn't fucking control his life anymore. If that made him jealous, well all the better. But Scout never thought that the man would take it this far.

But the problem was that not only was Scout excruciatingly happy about this turn of events, he knew he shouldn't be. And he was still very angry. Because this meant that they would have to talk, specifically about feelings and all the shit that Scout was just trying to get away from. Because he had had enough of all these feelsy emotional conversations and he was ready to start forgetting about his problems again. He had spent two years doing just that already.

Suddenly Medic stopped. Ten minutes ago Scout could see the outline of the barn. Now, it was too dense to see anything besides what was at their feet. And the way Medic was whipping his head to and fro made Scout's stomach drop. He walked up next to Medic then, which in turn made Medic tighten his grip on Scout.

“I think we're lost!” Scout shouted. Medic finally turned to stare at Scout, but the glare he got made it evident that Medic realized that. Scout shivered now that they were still. The last rays of snow-smothered daylight were beginning to fade. He was acutely aware of just how much the temperature had dropped since they had begun to walk. His track suit was not meant to be worn in this weather, and had he prepared to go out in this, he would have worn his heavy jacket and scarf. 

Scout cursed under the cloud of condensation, and raised his arm up to rub at the other. Suddenly he hoped that Sniper had found his way back. Scout felt Medic take away his hand, and looked up to watch him unbundling his scarf from around his neck. Medic quickly wrapped it around Scouts neck and face. It was a sweet act, but at the same time it revealed just how angry Medic was then. Medic took another look around after this and finally took Scout by the arm again, with just as much force as before, and tugged him along.

“This way.” He heard Medic say, though only loud enough that if not for the wind being blown in his direction, would not have been heard in the first place. Scout trudged along as he followed, this time at a slower pace.

Scout had no concept on how long they had been walking. It felt like hours, but it was honestly more like a few minutes. He wondered if they were actually lost, or if they could have completely by-passed the barn entirely, or been blown the opposite direction. He didn't know, but where ever they were, he was scared. What if Sniper hadn't made it back? What if they didn't make it back? He watched in between the gusts of snow for anything familiar, but he was getting nothing but darkness. It was pitch outside.

“Medic!” Scout tugged his shoulder away to get the mans attention. Medic barely responded, his arm was probably numb from holding Scout's equally numb arm. He tugged again, and this time stopped in his tracks. Medic bobbed to a stop and turned to look at Scout.

“What!” He finally asked. Scout pulled down Medic's scarf and spoke over it.

“We should find a tree or something! I need to stop!” Scout shouted over the wind. He watched Medic's face. Medic looked tired, but he nodded his head. They searched for a tree, and found one broken near the middle of the trunk. They sought refuge at the base of the trunk. As soon as they cleared what snow they could and sat, Medic was tugging at the scarf on his neck and he took it off. Medic unfurled it and scooted closer, trying to brush the snow out of his hair before draping the unfolded scarf over his head, and the motioning for Scout to do the same. Scout scooted near as well and leaned in, draping the scarf over his head and wrapping what was left around his shoulders like Medic had done.

The small space under the scarf was dark, but free of invading snow in their face. Scout shivered but having his face out of the wind like this was a god-send. They sat in silence for a while, just focusing the most on maintaining warmth.

“Why'd you come out here to get me?” Of course it was Scout who broke the silence first. Medic laughed tiredly.

“Why the fuck would you leave during a blizzard?” He asked right back. But before Scout could think of something to say, Medic continued. “Why would you fuck on the coldest evening we have had all winter?” The way he said it came out nasty. He was bitter as the wind around them.

“We weren't gonna do anything—”

“That's not what it looked like when I got there.” Scout looked into the darkness but could not see Medic's face. He wished he could.

“So what, we snogged a little bit. You're not the boss a me, and if you wanted to be you had a hell of a lot of time to show it.” Scout spat right back. Medic was quiet. But then Scout felt hands snake up into the shelter of the scarf and gloved hands caught his face awkwardly before righting themselves and pulling him closer. Scout felt Medic's breath on his nose as he gave Scout a sloppy kiss in the dark. 

Scout grabbed the hands. He pulled them away and then pushed at Medic's shoulders, enough that he ended the kiss but remained close enough that their breath mixed.

“I'm not sure what you don't get about what I just said.” Scout growled. Medic wriggled out of his grip and took his face in his hands again, but didn't try to kiss him.

“Scout, I was raised in Stuttgart, Germany. I'm from a very strict family of four and what I can remember of my father is vague, but what I do remember was how he taught my sister and I to reserve our thoughts and urges. If we were hungry, he did not want to see our eyes even stray towards the kitchen for a snack. We did not eat like savage dogs when we finally got what scarce food my mother could bring home, and we thanked our mother even when we didn't get food that night. I was taught from a young age that patience was one of the highest virtues and a proper man or lady was reserved in even their deepest of passions. When my father died, while my mother wept over his body, I stood somber without a tear to be seen. My sister had tears down her cheeks but even she kept a straight face.”

Scout was stone still as he listened, but his mouth fell open when he realized what Medic was telling him. He closed his mouth as Medic continued. “It's been a very long time since then, but that is something I will always carry with me. And sometimes I wish it was not so.” Scout felt a finger brush his cheek, but Medic didn't seem to notice he did it. “I am sorry that I took as long as I did to give you a reply. But this is a two way streak, Scout.” As he finally let go, slowly with a kind of linger in the way his fingers dropped away, Scout raised his own hands and took them. 

“I thought you were leading me on. Especially after Heavy told me that you heard everything.”

“I sent Heavy in hopes that you would come to see me in the infirmary. I had planned to tell you something the next time you came.” Scout squeezed his hands around Medics.

“What did you want to tell me, doc?” He asked quietly. Medic almost didn't hear it over the howling of the winds.

“You see, Herr Scout, I had thought that you only wanted to use me for sex. It was a silly challenge for you to try to get in my trousers, and so I wrote you off as just a horny 20-something.”

“But I aint! I lo--”

“I realized that when you talked about being a fuck up.” Scout was silent. He waited for Medic to explain but he just let out an exhausted huff and held Scout's hands back. “I didn't think you could be so vulnerable. To anyone. And then I realized how similar we are. We both run away from our problems, but you deal with problems in the opposite way from me. When we have to confront them, you manage it head first, and I dodge around it until I get a better angle. But we are still so alike that it hurt to hear how abstaining was the hardest thing you've done and the fact that you did it for me? I wondered why.” Medic stopped as he shivered so hard his teeth clattered in his jaw. Scout scooted forward, and shared a brief kiss with him before going to lean his head against his shoulder.

“Medic, I--” Scout began, but before he could finish his through there was a loud pop and they both startled. Scout sat straight and Medic uncovered their heads. They both looked up into the sky, towards the sound. There was, just barely visible and only because of the darkness, a streak of red lingering in the sky. 

It was an emergency flare. RED team was calling them home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we have an example of two expertly crafted snowmen, fearing for their lives.
> 
> Playlist - http://8tracks.com/shadeyrain/love-like-war


	15. He Really Wouldn't, Doc

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey honey you could be my drug  
> You could be my new prescription  
> Too much could be an overdose  
> All this trash talk make me itching
> 
> https://youtu.be/X5G9tIe84lE

Sniper paced back and forth with nervous strides. Pyro closed out the numbing air as he walked inside, flare gun in hand. Sniper stopped as Pyro put it away. It was just then that Spy appeared from thin air, uncloaking and coming to stand just next to Sniper.

“I didn't find them anywhere in the field.”

“What if they got hurt? Damn it, I don't like this one fucking bit.” Sniper held a hand to his head and stroked the handle of his kukri with the other. Pyro shook his head.

“I'm sure Medic will bring Scout back.” Spy reassured Sniper with a hand rubbing one of of Sniper's shoulders. If Pyro could muster words right then other than “I told you to not try sleeping with Scout” he would agree with Spy. He placed total trust within the man who had saved his life more than once in battle. If there was anybody he would want out there with his best friend, it was the Medic. 

And so they waited. Sniper wouldn't sit down. Spy was chain smoking in the corner, a pile of cigarette butts sitting in the snow at his feet. Others came out occasionally through the next hour as they played the waiting game. Engineer gave Pyro hugs and kisses but said he needed to work on his projects for the company. After Engineer left, Pyro stood and loaded another flare into his gun. He left the barn in silence. 

Pyro stared into the snowy sky, watched the red glow begin to fall slowly. He wanted to greet them when they got back. He wished snow was not so scary and blinding. It stuck to his blonde curls as he looked out into the field, but as he saw nothing there, he almost gave up. But then, there was Medic. He stumbled into sight and Pyro nearly screamed, but he surged foreward and took the taller man in his arms, and saw Scout not far behind with his hand connected to Medic's.

“Oh my god! You are okay!” Pyro cried as he helped them inside. The wind pushed against the barn door as they fell through, and blew open before they could grab it. Suddenly Heavy was barrelling past and heaving the door closed. Scout was being cradled in Pyro's arms already as they both shivered uncontrollably. Heavy may have been the only one to realize that Scout was bundled in Medic's scarf.

“We thought you were dead!”

“We did not, you cretin.” Spy said very casually as he came closer. Sniper could see that he was very carefully analyzing Scout for injuries. 

“To the infirmary. Now. He's much smaller than I am, we must examine him for frostbite.” Medic could hardly understand himself with the way his teeth chattered together, but Scout looked worst. Pyro began to support him, but Heavy immediately scooped him up.

“Doktor may have the frost bite, also.” Heavy watched Pyro and Sniper grab Medic as he stumbled forward. They walked out of the barn and into the common room, and finally into the infirmary. 

Cradled in Heavy's arms, Scout began to regain his mindfulness. He could feel the cold melt away. He tested his voice before trying to speak. “If I do got frostbite, you ain't allowed to cut off my feet, Medic.”

“If you have frostbite, Scout, you will not tell me what to do unless you want to be strapped to a bed.” Medic heard Scout chuckle as they approached some of the cots near the radiators in his office.

“I wouldn't mind that.” He murmured as Heavy set him gently on one of the cots. Medic hobbled numbly over to the cot next to him, and sat on the edge, peering down on the runner as he started to de-thaw in the warmth of the room. Medic smiled at him as he began to work his fingers out of his gloves.

“I know you wouldn't.”

\-----

Scout sat up in the cot, sighing as Medic made him wriggle his toes back and forth again. Scout was not use to having people touch his feet, and he was less use to being in the infirmary, specifically when he was down to his skivvies. Medic had assessed that he had been well-dressed enough for the cold weather, but Scout had not been and he had suffered some superficial frostbite around his toes. When Sniper pointed out the dark purple area around his arm, Scout glared at Medic but he just shrugged. Sniper crooked his eyebrow but otherwise said nothing. Pyro sat at the end of Scout's cot quietly as Medic treated Scout's frozen hands and frost-bitten feet. He was playing with a lighter in his hands, but after singeing the sheets a little, Medic made him stop lighting it.

Finally he pocketed the lighter. He traced circles on the sheets and finally, asked, “So are you still gonna sleep with Sniper?” Scout looked up as Pyro looked away. Sniper had left a while ago to eat. With only the three of them, Scout wasn't exactly sure why Pyro would bring that up now.

“Yes, Scout, do you still wish to be Sniper's companion? I imagine it would be rather uncomfortable in your state.” Medic tightened the bandages around his foot a little tighter than necessary, but Scout growled at him.

“I'm NOT--” He watched Medic raise his eyebrows. Pyro watched him with mischief in his eyes. Scout's mouth hung open as he rethought the words about to come out of his lips. Looking between the two of them, he let out a strangled, uncertain groan. “...sure anymore, okay?” Scout watched the smug smile grow across the Medic's lips. He grumbled, pulling his knees up to his chest before hiding his burning face in his blanketed lap. He mumbled something under his breathe before covering his eyes.

There were a few minutes of silence. Pyro reveled in having his Scout back, while Medic made a few more examinations of his hands and ears, which were beginning to blister. Scout sat with his head hidden, only looking up to stare at either of them for a time, his thoughts hidden within his eyes. The fourth time Scout looked up, his eyes seemed to barely open. 

“I think Scout is due for some rest. As are you, Herr Pyro.” Scout looked up at his words, eyes more alert. But he sat still as Pyro shifted on the bed.

“Okay. See you tomorrow, Scout.” Pyro's warm hand pet Scout's hair before he decided to leave a chaste kiss there. Pyro stood and left without another word.

“I ain't that tired, doc.” He murmured before finally lifting his head and stretching from his shoulders like a languid cat.

“I know.” Scout watched the doctors back as Medic lay his medical devises on a metal trolly. Medic still wore his wet uniform pants, but had only his wifebeater on, his suspenders hanging from his belt. Scout saw his shirt and winter coat were dripping on a hook near the door to the infirmary.

“So why'd you make Pyro leave?” Scout asked inquisitively as Medic turned to him. As he began to approach the runner, Scout's eyes were glued to his pants. Medic smirked at what he thought was blatant staring at his crotch, but Scout's mind was on how cold and wet his pants had to be after the snow had melted. For once, he wasn't admiring the Medic's package. But as soon as Medic was close enough that Scout had to look up, he stared up at the doctors face. 

Medic studied Scout's features. The ridge of his pointed nose had been spared any blisters from frostbite, and it was returning from it's reddened state. His soft cheeks and high brows and lovely lips, Medic wanted to touch them all. He had such a soft expression on. He guessed that's just what happened when one survived a life-or-death situation. Medic reached up to stroke his cheek. But Scout flinched away when he did.

The look on Medic's face was a clear opposite of Scouts. His dark brows were furrowed low over his wire frames. There was a dark glint in his eyes. Scout had been too concerned over Medic catching a cold to see it before then. As his hand came up and touch his skin, he jumped. Something wasn't right. Scout was unfamiliar with this expression, and it was putting him on edge.

“Scout, I just spent hours trying to keep you alive. I'm not going to hurt you.” Medic reassured him, as he perched his hip on the cot. His hand returned to the side of Scout's face, caressing him there near his ear but more on his cheek. His fingertips tailed further down his jawline, before grasping his chin firmly between his thumb and forefinger.

Scout watched his eyes trail up his face until they were staring right into his. Medic saw the question in his eyes. He watched Scout's brow slowly lower, his lids dropping in the same moment, and as Medic maintained his own expression, a smile crawled onto his face. A smile twitch across the Medic's features, but instead of indulging in the humor he felt, Medic shook his chin forcefully.

“But I am very angry with you.” He grumbled as Scout tried to pull away. Medic let him go. Only this time he cupped the back of Scout's neck and brought him forward, mashing his lips against Scout's. Scout gasped under him. He cut off with a moan as Medic jammed his tongue into his mouth. Medic saw Scout squeeze his eyes shut faster than his heart could beat. But when he felt Scout fall forward onto his knees and bring his hands up to pull Medic's face closer to his, Medic cuffed Scout's wrists and pulled him away completely.

“Medic--”

“I know you were trying to make me jealous, Herr Scout.” Medic tightened his grip when Scout tried to take his hands back. But now Scout wouldn't meet his gaze. Medic took his opportunity, and smiled at him triumphantly as he finally yanked on his wrists. Scout's gaze flicked up to meet his again, and there was only what looked like anger on his face. Scout opened his mouth to speak.

“Yeah, but I thought you were just leading me on, Doc. I was angry too. I didn't think it was gonna work.” Scout watched Medic bring his arms up above his head, before transferring both of his wrists into one firm grip. 

“Well it worked.” He grumbled quietly for a moment when actual annoyance overcame him. It passed as quickly as it had come, and Medic pushed Scout back onto the cot. “I'm surprised you are not proud of that. That seems like something the Scout I know would be bragging about.” He managed to climb on top of Scout with ease, but when he looked down into the boys face, he was met with a solemn expression. 

“Then you don't really know me.” He murmured quietly. Medic could only stare. And for a moment he thought. He knew Scout, he did. Only, he had overlooked this. Scout didn't brag. He talked about sex and his endeavors in the bedroom, but not once had he done so in a matter of pride. At least not while boasting about it. And never about others. 

Before Medic could let his anger drop, he sighed harshly and let his mouth descend on Scout's lips again. There was no struggle this time, and Scout returned it with a deep groan from his chest. Scout felt his other hand begin to trace his side. It was almost gentle, but what Medic would come to find was how ticklish Scout was as he stroked his ribs. Scout giggled under his kiss and bucked his hips, and suddenly his hand grabbed his hip and held him still against the cot, pressing too hard into his flesh and rupturing the capillaries against his pelvic bone. Scout gasped at the touch before Medic bit down on his lip to shut him up. Scout opened his eyes to watch Medic lift his head.

“Stay.” He growled as he pushed Scout's wrists into the mattress. Scout nodded as Medic let go, only to stand up and walk into another room. Scout adjusted his feet, which were awkwardly tucked under him, and then out of sheer forgetfulness he lifted himself from the cot with his arms at his sides to pull the thin blanket out from underneath him. He was pushing it to the ground when Medic returned. Scout settled back down onto the cot but Medic stormed over and grabbed him by his unbruised forearm. Scout yelped as he was wretched from the cot entirely, sent to the floor. Medic let go of him as he bagan to get to his knees, and Scout heard him deposit something on the cot as he sat above him. And then Medic was fumbling with his own belt. Scout looked up at him with an excited smile, but it died when he saw the fury on his face.

“I thought I told you to stay.” He saw Medic kick off his boots, and suddenly a foot was steady on his lower back. 

“Sorry, I--”

“I didn't want to do this, Scout.” He murmured as he leaned over and grabbed him by the shoulders, before pulled him up levering on his foot and then sliding down to grab his wrists. He made quick work of winding his belt around Scout's thin wrists once, and then buckling it tightly enough that he was not uncomfortable but also not going to be getting the off without help.

“You're tying me to the bed?” Scout perked as Medic forced him up onto his feet. Scout spied more rope at the end of the bed, but Medic just shook his head at him,

“Only if I need to.” He remarked sincerely as Scout followed his commands to lay back down and wait for him to continue.

“Because, I know this is our first time and all but if you want--”

“Shut up.” Scout watched Medic tie his arms off on the metal frame, but he nodded against the pillow underneath his head and pressed his lips together in a show of being quiet. Scout's eyes flickered to the end of the bed and saw a ball-gag there as well, among a few other things. Scout felt his heart rate double. Why the fuck would Medic have such a thing, anyway? His mind began to wonder, but it was just then that he felt the cold of metal shiver against his stomach, and the snipping of scissors were running up his chest, cutting away his shirt. Scout was about to protest, but his mouth fell open and then he remembered that his situation was only just so because he disobeyed Medic in the first place. So he just kind of gaped at Medic. His face spoke of overly dramatized horror, which did not match the situation, and Medic couldn't keep his poker face. He laughed at Scout as he pulled the shreds of his shirt out from under him, and his face softened as he hiked up to sit on Scout's stomach.

“You are mine, Scout.” He finally said. Scout grinned up at him, teeth white against his sun-tanned skin. He pressed his lips together, but then strained up to kiss Medic against his lips before falling back.

“Good.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WOW HELLO YES.
> 
> I hope you guys like these chapters. The next one is going to be what you all have been waiting for.(No one was really waiting for it. Only me.)  
> Actually I guess I should put a NSFW warning for the next chapter. I'll change the tags accordingly, but you can skip all the smut since i'm going to contain the non-vital parts in one chapter for anyone who wants to skip those parts. (this may change later please don't hurt me if it does)


	16. Scout Looses His Feet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *!!!*NSFW WARNING*!!!*
> 
> You play me like I am made of strings  
> I'm the violin,  
> A melody  
> I want your lips to sing
> 
> https://youtu.be/h1LgaV-dyEs

Medic started with another kiss, slow and sensual that had Scout lapping at his lips asking for more. The older man smacked his lips as he sat up, grinning. He moved his legs back to sit on Scout's hips, and that was the moment the runner became accutely aware how fucking cold Medic's pants really were. He must have noticed the wet fabric before, since he sat on top of him. But since then it had warmed against his skin and Scout had forgotten. He sucked in a breath, wanting to tell him to take his pants off. Medic was on the ball, though, and he shimmied them off before throwing them into the laundry bin. Scout marveled at the half-nakedness of Medic's body. He of course wore the standard issue briefs, socks rolled up half his calves. But what of his damp skin he could see was covered in a nice layer of dark hair, just like his arms and chest. Scout pulled at the belt in an unconscious attempt to remove the wife beater that hid his chest.

He chuckled as he got the idea, and removed that too. Scout felt him toe out of his socks too, but he was really too busy appreciating the man above him. He wanted to appreciate everything, with his hands, with his lips and his skin, with his nose in the crook of his neck or the junction of his thighs. Scout wanted to worship this man on top of him. He wanted it so badly that he could feel it begin to strain under Medic's hips. Medic felt his want as well, and after pushing his hands across Scout's smooth chest, he scoot himself down and kissed the planes of his stomach, ending just above his waist. Scout bucked a little with the last kiss, and automatically tried to spread his legs under him. But Medic was heavy and his weight pinned his legs. Medic didn't look amused.

“Stay still, pfadfinder, I do not want to tie you up.” He murmured against his skin as he reached up to pull his underwear out of his way. Scout went still, and very compliant as he felt his hard-on spring from it's confines. He swallowed hard as he watched Medic prowl over his dick.

He tongued the head experimentally, eyes flicking up to watch Scout's reaction. Scout squinted at him with a frustrated sigh, wanting to buck himself up into the Medic's mouth. He had to lock his muscles before he moved again. Medic laughed at him, perhaps with a little more sadism behind it than he realized. Scout grumbled, but remained patient as Medic leaned away to rock his hips up against Scout's erection and elicit another moan out of him. The older man lifted his hips and rolled down his own white briefs before settling his sizable prick up next to Scout's. While his was a rather proportional length and width compared to his size, Scout's was much longer than he would have expected. He could see why the others would want Scout to top, and why Medic had his hands tied up. Medic squeezed Scout next to him, and gave a short pump. He leaned back and grabbed the lube, setting it close, but not opening it yet. He doubled over and took Scout into his mouth, slowly and with measured breathing. His other hand came up to push at his chest when he tried to lift his head, a yelp of pleasure causing him to jerk.

Medic was prepared for Scout's unadulterated desperation. Scout was, after all, a man who had lived the past too years for bloodshed and sex. Medic got to his knees, and pinned his legs down, and then effectively gagged his partner with two fingers past Scout's lips. Medic took Scout's cock further into his mouth, still trying to swallow the whole thing. He felt like Scout would take up half of his trachea before the older man's nose finally touched the bed of light brown hairs at his base. He would choke if Scout moved now. Scout was stock still, except for the low moan he blew out just as slowly as Medic had taking him in. It turned into a keen as Medic pulled off, suddenly and quickly, before palming his balls, fisting the base of his shaft, and returning with a fast paced bobbing down on him.

Scout hadn't realized when Medic had taken back his fingers from his mouth. But he heard when there was a pop, and looked up to see Medic's head bobbing, but his hand at his own ass, stretching himself. Scout wanted to ask why, but he didn't have time to before Medic popped off his dick and crawled on his knees until he was positioned just so. Medic leaned back and let gravity do most of the work. 

Velvet heat enveloped his cock, but slowly. So slowly. Scout had to catch his breath, and keep his voice in check for fear of being gagged for real. He did reposition his legs, though, to provide Medic a better seat to lean against as he leaned back and impaled himself against Scout's dick. Medic worked his own erection as he heaved above Scout. After getting fully seated, he switched to his knees and began to ride him. This was much more agonizing than the blow-job. It was obvious Medic was enjoying himself, but also drawing it out, long and slow with a mischievous smile across his face. Scout cried out, but that only made Medic go slower. Scout lifted his head and looked up to Medic with pleading grey eyes. He looked about ready to cry. He didn't want Scout to do that, but he also wanted to punish him for that day's earlier troubles.

It was when Scout silently mouthed his name that Medic really began to bounce. He stabled himself with a hand on Scout's chest, giving him a leer as his previously measured humping became slightly more erratic. Scout hummed in appreciation, but also satisfaction when no matter how far up he slid, he couldn't completely clear Scout's length on his knees. 

It was clear this wasn't something Medic was use to. He was out of breathe after just a few minutes. For Scout, it would have been easy to keep this up until finish. But Medic seemed to have other ideas. They were both so close. Scout could tell, between getting tired and the way he was pulling at his cock, Medic was ready for release. But they would never reach it this way. Medic knew that too, though Scout wasn't quite sure or not. But when Medic finally huffed and reached up, he fumbled with the belt and then unbuckled it. Scout looked up at him, but Medic was taking off his glasses. After tossing them to the other cot, he slumped against Scout's chest and looked up at him.

“Fuck me, Scout. Gott, bitte, I need you to fuck me.” He pant against the Scout's chest as Scout sat up.

“Sure thing, doc.” Scout assured, smirk crawling up his face as he grabbed the older man by his arms and effectively turned him onto his back. Scout grabbed one of Medic's legs, hooking it up over his shoulder and anchoring him by the hips before leaning down and giving him a sloppy kiss, ramming into the Medic's ass harder, sending intense spasms through the doctor as Scout hit his prostate, something he hadn't been able to achieve riding him.

Scout let Medic's leg drop as he finally got to let his hands roam the Medic's body. He stroked his chest, gripped the arms that held onto Scout's shoulders helplessly. Scout kissed Medic's mouth as he pounded harder into him, feeling his release close at hand. He licked up the soft words that left Medic's lips, spoken in German. But soon his mouth traveled to his neck, nosing his jaw, breathing his scent. It was almost too much, but he help on. He couldn't let this moment slip away yet. Scout nibbled on his neck gently, but the sounds he got out of he doctor was a clear indication not to stop, and that as how Medic ended up with several hickeys on and around his neck. But if anybody asked, he wouldn't tell you thank.

Scout chuckled as Medic wrapped his legs around Scout's middle, climbing closer in what felt like a desperate fumble for more contact with his body. A hand carded through his hair, but Medic couldn't know that would send him over the edge. Shivers spiked his spine as he pulled out just in time to splatter his seed against Medic's thigh. He huffed as his steam began to cool, but turned his attention to the neglected member between the doctors thighs. He stuffed his mouth full of the other mans cock, and it was all he imagined it would be. His nose was filled with that musk he had become addicted to, his mouth invaded by all his warmth and tang, his breath near unmanageable as the doctor bucked in a signal that it might be too much for him. But Scout didn't let the doctor go, and he rode it out as the Medic came down his throat. 

Medic watched Scout lick what was left off of the tip, before licking his own lips with a satisfied smile and a short laugh. Scout looked up at his doctor. A little smile graced Medic's face. That was when Scout flopped onto his chest, a glow on his face as he nuzzled at the older mans chest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OH MY GOTT PLEASE DONT LOOK AT ME I CANNOT HANDLE WRITING SMUT AT ALL IM SO SORRY WHY DID I EVEN START WRITING THIS FANFICTION WITH THIS PREMISE IM SO BAD AT THE SEX THING
> 
> playlist - http://8tracks.com/shadeyrain/love-like-war


	17. Nervous Breakdown

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> My only choice is to over react  
> Is this a voice or just a panic attack?  
> I need a doctor to help me try to relax  
> No one ever told me I was living too fast
> 
> https://youtu.be/RsbOtMihCJ0

Scout awoke to find Medic carefully unwrapping his feet. He giggled in his sleep at it, but when he fully woke, he looked down at Medic and wiggled his toes. Medic frowned at him from above his glasses. Scout gave him a sleepy smile, before yawning and languorously stretched his muscles into the bed, using minimum movement and maximum stretch.

“Guten Tag, Herr Scout.” He heard Medic say quietly. Scout chuckled and finally relaxed again.

“Guten Morgen, doc.” His pronunciation was atrocious behind his sleepy voice, but Medic smiled warmly at him besides.

“Tell me, Scout, have you always been this ticklish?” He asked casually. Scout's eyes widened, but then his face broke out into a grin as he remember the night before. 

“Yeah. It's like my one kyptonite.” He smirked as he wiggled his toes again and sat up. 

“Mm. Yes. Please wiggle your toes again?” Scout blinked as Medic let go of his toes and let him wiggle them again. Only this time, it sent Scout's face into his knees as pain ripped up his feet and through his legs.

“HOLY SHIT WHAT THE FUCK MOTHERFUCKING BALLS THAT HURTS!” Scout began to feel tears collect at his eyes. He held his breath before more profanities spilled from him. Medic sighed, and suddenly the pain ebbed away and Scout could see straight again. Only this time he was shaking.

“Entschuldigung, liebling, I under-estimated how painful these may be.” He had to press his lips together to keep himself from cracking a smile as Scout looked up. He watched Medic as he manipulated the plasma's of his medigun under his feet. Scout grimaced.

“I ain't gonna loose my feet am I?” Scout watched as he began to apply some sort of red salve to his blistered feet. Medic shook his head at the idea.

“I strapped you to the bed but you still have you're feet, now don't you?” Medic finally let himself smile. That smile warmed Scout's face, sending rays of light to bounce in his tummy. Scout leaned forward, and carefully ghosted his lips across the doctors cheek. Medic looked at him in mild surprise as he began to wrap Scout's feet again. 

The last thing he had expected from Scout was the amount of warm affection held within the promiscuous runner in that moment. From the squint of his eyes and the sweet smile, he could tangibly feel the warmth in his expression, and combined with the nearly platonic kiss he had given, Medic was nearly shocked. He thought Scout had broken all misconceptions he had about the boy, but continually he found himself at ends. What in the world had he said to provoke this kind of reaction? Why had Scout not given him a leer or said something lewd to match? 

Looking on Scout's face now, he only saw what he wanted so badly to call love. It was much to early for that, he supposed, but the feelings he felt inside of his metaphorical heart were reflected so perfectly upon the boys face that Medic knew it had to be. Scout was a strange creature, and he was surprised it had taken 2 years to figure that out. But he also guessed that once he realized just what Scout did with the team, he only wanted it to be a cut and dry explanation, and he never tried to look further. He had categorized all of his team mates, and Scout's label had been big and bold in his head; Slut. But that was far from what he truly was. It didn't touch the attributes and personality behind the promiscuity of the boy, and the word didn't capture the expression he made now.

Medic realized that the rest of the team knew Scout was much deeper than all his looks suggested of him. They knew how ticklish Scout was, some probably knew where he was most sensitive, and what he liked the most in bed, or his favorite drink, or his favorite movies. Medic knew none of these things, but he did know somethings that the team did not. He knew Scout was secretly into animals, and that he loved to learn as much as he loved to talk. Listening was a skill he knew, and knew well, but hardly found useful inside the base where nobody wanted to read to him and nobody taught Scout anything. Both things Scout enjoyed. Scout enjoyed many things, and Medic accepted that sex was one of those things. But he had accepted that a long time ago, and never allowed himself to realize that Scout was so much more than all that.

He wondered what counted more to Scout. Was Scout only infatuated with Medic because he was someone who treated Scout differently? Would that infatuation die when Scout left to go home at the end of the year? Was Scout even infatuated with him at all?

Scout's smile had died. It had faded as he watched sadness overcome the Medic's face. All the light went out in him.

“What's wrong,doc?” Scout felt him tape up his feet as he finished wrapping his toes. Scout wiggled them again, afraid that he might feel the pain. None came, even while Medic had turned the medigun off. Medic let his hands drop to his lap as he looked up at Scout.

“Nothing, Herr Scout. I am just thinking.” He motioned at Scout's feet as he spoke now. “As you can see, you're feet will make it. They should be better by the end of the day, and tomorrow you will have no blisters to speak of.” Scout leaned forward with scrutiny upon his nose. Medic stared at him impassively as Scout's gray eyes studied him.

“Doc, I appreciate this, but somethings wrong with you, and I want to know what.” Scout finally got to his knees and scoot down to sit nearer to the older man. He quickly realized he wore nothing under the sheet, but that hardly mattered to Scout. His nakedness was so natural to him, Medic realized as he felt his face go up in flames.

“Scout, please. Put some pants on.” Scout laughed at him as he complied. Medic had fetched a new outfit that morning, as it sat on another cot. Scout made a mess of the neatly folded pile of clothing as he hopped off the bed, and then pulled some breifs on before hopping into a pair of his uniform pants. Without his socks, they looked like normal cotton slacks. Scout turned and found Medic standing to leave. He quickly caught his arm. 

“Wait, wait, no. I asked a question, I want to hear an answer!” Scout tugged his arm in attempt to make Medic face him again. Medic hesitated, but he did turn to look at Scout with sadness writen all over his big, nearly blue eyes. He did not speak, but Scout kicked the chair out of the way and stood closer to the taller man, cradling Medic's arm before he spoke again. “What's wrong?” He asked again. Medic sighed, resigning himself to the fate Scout had in mind for him. 

“You are really too much, Herr Scout.”

“I'm too much? That's the problem?” Scout knew he was being a shit about this, but there was no way he would let this go. Medic made a noise of frustration at first, as if that was not what he meant in that context, but then heaved a sigh and turned to the runner fully.

“Yes, Scout! You are too much! How can I handle all of you? I could hardly keep up last night, and I initiated.” Medic huffed as he felt Scout's hands loosen around his arm. It was almost cliché, in that Scout was nearly feeling up Medic's bicep, but his hands slipped down to his forearm and he was looking a little forlorn as he waited for Medic to continue. “I am out of practice and out of the loop, Herr Scout. I am entirely too anxious about all that has happened, and for what, Scout?” He sighed and hung his head, all of the hot air deflating as he let his steam. The cold sadness returned. But his next words barely registered for Scout, even so close to him. “For all I am aware, you may not even feel...” Medic stopped his thought, but Scout got the idea. He let go of the older mans arm, wrapping his arms around his own chest. He seemed to think about things for a moment, his thin face bunching into folds as he got upset. But Scout eventually sighed, and ran his hand through his flattened hair, perhaps making a subtle attempt at fixing it before he dropped his arms and just stared at Medic.

“Are you saying I'm to young? Because, I really don't think that matters, plenty of older people go for my type it's not unheard of--”

“Scout, it is not your age. It is my inability to cope with this situation. I don't sleep with my team members anymore. I can't keep up with your physical needs, and I am not even sure you didn't do any of this just to get into my pants.” The moment he said those words, Scout's mouth screwed shut. His eyes burned as his posture turned stock straight, clearly shocked. Anger filled the younger man.

“The hell with that! I didn't do all this because it was a challenge! I – Do you think if I really just wanted to sleep with you I wouldn't have just done all of this earlier? Like, say, two years ago after you clearly showed no interest in sleeping with any of us?” Scout stopped, as if the anger had caught in his throat and he was trying to work around a physical stoppage in his windpipe. And then Medic saw tears welling up in his eyes. As they began to work their way over his eyelids, Medic caught Scout by his arms. He was ready to give Scout a hug, to stop this argument in it's tracks. But Scout stopped him, gripping his forearms tightly and holding him away. 

“I love you! –I don't know how –else to show you that!” Scout's voice broke as he began to shake. The tears fell across his cheeks as he tried to say more. Medic could see his mind running at a thousand miles a minute, but none of his thoughts made it completely out of his mouth. 

“Scout.” Medic said softly as he managed a better grip on the boy's shoulders. He could feel the trembles hammering through the runner. He could hear his breath speed up, as if he had been running as quickly as he knew how. Medic began to ease him back onto the cot. 

“Scout, you are safe.” He said in low voice as he sat the runner on the cot and quickly pulled up the chair. Scout trembled near violently on the cot as Medic took his hands. His shoulders heaved, and now he was just making vague whining noises and occasionally a word heaved with difficulty. Medic raised a hand to make sure Scout could see his eyes.

“I believe you. You do not have to show me anything, Scout. I believe you.” He murmured as he kissed the boy's knuckles and waited a moment. Scout shook harder as he looked down at Medic. Medic sat up as he squeezed his hand.  
“Take deep breaths. It's going to be okay, Scout.” At his words the bare-chested runner began to shake his head negatively. Medic had to nod in affirmation.

“Yes, it is going to be fine. I know you are very scared right now, but I will not let anything harm you, Scout.” He gently stroked his tears away, in which Scout took as a sign that he needed to scrub his face, sobbing into his fist as he took a deep breath.

“Good. That's good, Scout. Can you take some more deep breaths for me?” He coaxed as Scout's face shook under his fingers. He grimaced at Medic, but replied with a shaky “yeah” and took a few more deeper breaths. After a moment of this, Scout opened his mouth to try to speak.

“Medic –“ He choked on his title and began to shake violently. Scout could feel his entire body go numb as the adrenaline took over, the only pain splitting his head. He crumpled in Medic's hands, tears smeared down his face and fresh ones starting as well. He knew he would be sore. Hunched over into his knees, Scout felt helpless to stop what he knew might last for more than half-an-hour. A wave of nausea loomed as his mind took him to the fact that he was wasting Medic's time. His mind whirled over that and wrapped it around all the other thoughts he couldn't control. It was like a tornado of uncontrollable, uncalled for thoughts that nothing would be alright.

He felt Medic easing his shoulders up, and he gradually let himself unfurl. Besides the fact that a white film grain had severed his cognitive vision, his tears burned in his eyes. But then there was a firm warmth on his lip. That gave the whirlwind in his mind a pause. His mind knew what to do with this. He sniveled a little before pushing his lips back. The mental block on his physical presence melted as the other pair of lips parted his. He suddenly became aware of his body again, the soft press of fingers at the back of his head, another hand on his cheek. Medic's straight nose pressing warm breaths on his damp skin. Scout instinctively wanted to be closer to the warmth, his tongue darted out to sink into the dampness of the others mouth. Medic pulled away. Scout opened his eyes, blurry with salty tears, but comprehending his surrounding again. Scout sniffed as he calmed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello I would like to say that Scout is a precious baby and I love him and I'm sorry if he seems a little out of character. thank you
> 
> playlist - http://8tracks.com/shadeyrain/love-like-war


	18. Sad Grey Glances

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You've got a warm heart,  
> you've got a beautiful brain.  
> But it's disintegrating
> 
> https://youtu.be/sf6mkYz4mx0

They stared at each other for a long while. No smiles, just drying tears and sad grey eyes finally seeing each other in what felt like the first time. Medic's hands on his, Scout's knees still trembling a little. Scout swallowed and then cleared his throat, trying to find words as he finally took his eyes away from the doctor. But it was Medic who spoke first.

“Have you had panic attacks like this before?” He asked softly. Scout jerked his eyes up, a little surprised by the question but in hind-sight he probably knew it was only logical for him to ask that. Scout wasn't sure he wanted to talk about anything right then, but finally he gave up on giving a fuck.

“Yeah. Ma always told me I just had more feelings inside me than most people could feel, and that was why my body couldn't handle it. I haven't had one since...” Scout paused. Medic could tell what his next words would be, or he could imagine, and right as he was going to tell him to stop, Scout continued on his own. “I haven't had one since Lily broke up with me. After that I just made myself into a slut and shut everything out and it worked for me.” Scout felt his eyes tearing up again, a pang in his chest. The firm squeeze at his fingers reminded him to take another breath and he was sitting pretty.

Medic was quiet as Scout stared at his hand in Medics. Scout ran a thumb down Medic's fingers, and slowly he disengaged them only to take Medic's hand in his again. He thoughtfully pet his hands as they sat together in silence. This time, Scout broke that ever looming quiet.

“So...is this something?” He asked quietly. The doctor caught on quickly and look up at him from below his brows, and then a small chuckle left his chest.

“It certainly isn't nothing, Herr Scout.” Medic reveled in the smile on Scout's face. So unadulterated and sincere. Nothing there that left him wondering anymore, nothing that felt untrue. They both knew this was more than something. Scout's fingers around his, their only physical connection being his fingertips pressed into his palm. Medic gave a small breathe. “You are really too much Scout. How you manage it is a mystery to me.” He said this time giving Scout a smile with it.

“Yeah but you put up with me, Doc. Not a lot of people can do that.” Scout saw a faltering in Medic's eyes, felt it at his fingertips. It was Scout's turn to give a squeeze. Medic turned his eyes down.

“You're team mates put up with plenty, don't they?” Scout felt Medic let go of his hand. He gripped them firmly.

“Not like you do. Not the way I need them to, if we ever, you know, do this feelings thing with them. They didn't bring up the whole celibacy crap very well.”

“It was a complicated matter. Heavy assured me of that.” Medic hadn't expected those words come from his mouth. He hadn't meant to defend the men he felt an amount of jealousy for. But the worry that underlie Scout's face words told him how important this was to him.

“Heavy is good at emotional stuff. He always knows what to do in these kinds of situations.” Scout grumbled, a little aggravation in him. 

“The situation being you still care about the other men on our team. But they do not know how to deal with your own emotional turmoil. And neither do you. ” Medic watched Scout turn his head down as he took Scout's hands again. And in that moment, he could see the struggle in Scout's face. It was a variation of the struggle that had triggered his panic attack. He didn't know how to deal with his emotions, or perhaps he didn't know his own emotions well enough anymore. He wanted to commit to Medic, but what he felt for his team mates was an obligation he held deeply. Medic always knew it was not something he would make the boy break.

“I'm so fucked up.” He said simply. Scout wrapped one arm around his bare shoulder, hunching in around himself as he stared at their twined hands together. He looked so tiny. Medic felt a pang in his heart, something sharp and he immediately recognized it. The need to help; to fix what others saw as broken, it overwhelmed him. Scout had maintained a front that looked as if he was perfectly okay. A front that said he didn't care about what others thought, that he had no problems and that everything in his life was just how he wanted them to be. Scout had maintained that for two years, until he had let Medic see him come undone. 

 

“And that is why I love you.” It sounded terrible. But the look that glimmered in Scout's eyes as he tilted his head up to look at Medic said it all to him. These were exactly the words he needed to hear.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> short chapter. I've been having internet issues but I'll try getting up another chapter in a bit.


	19. A Little Less Interruption Please

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little less conversation, a little more action please  
> All this aggravation ain't satisfactioning me  
> A little more bite and a little less bark  
> A little less fight and a little more spark
> 
> https://youtu.be/_0O0BkKdMx0

“Scout!” His headset crackled to life in his ears. He could hear the commotion out between the building, the wind blowing up against the wood of the walls from the open fields on the other side. He snuck between a box and said wall. He stopped on the other side of said box and clicked his mic on.

“What?” He growled into the headset, quickly making his way towards another doorway. It was a little higher than he liked to jump, so he moved away to find a staircase.

“Where are you?” Sniper hissed into the mic, and then made his eardrum numb as he took a shot with the feed still buzzing in Scout's ear. Scout grumbled as he sprinted down a stairwell and found another out from the building.

“None-of-your-beeswax, Aussie bastard!” He hissed back. He peeked out the window, before sucking in a breathe as he watched a BLU spy appear out of thin air just outside of the door. His cover wasn't blown, but it was close. Scout equipped his bat and made quick work of the spy. His comm. crackled to life again.

“Monsieur, you are not equipped to be sneaking around. That is my job.” Scout rolled his eyes at the french accent that pieced his ear and quickly ducked into the barn again.

“Scout! What in blazing hell are you doing?” This from Engineer. Scout sighed heavily.

“What is little man up to?” Heavy chimed in this time. Scout watched as the BLU Medic raced past his position. He sighed.

“I need you guys to distract them for me okay? Actually...” Scout watched as a few more of the other team came pass. “Actually I think I may have a descent plan.” 

“Well, Mäuschen, what is your plan? We would like to hear it.” Medic hardly ever spoke on the comm. Scout gave a smile at the voice, rather effectively making him give up being secretive about this anymore.

“I think I can fix the track. If you guys just...I don't know lure them away from that bit of track, I can get in there and hammer them down from behind and when you guys push them back, we can push back the cart too.” For two seconds there was silence. And then the backlash.

“Scout we need you out there stop fooling around!”

“We can't risk them getting any closer, monsieur.”

“Is not very good plan, Scout.”

“Don't think that would work...” Scout sighed heavily. He unclipped the sledgehammer from his side and was about to let it fall to the floor, about to give up his silly idea, when Engineer made his opinion known.

“Scout, I want you to show me how you got out there.” Scout perked a little as he glanced back to where he knew Engineer was set up.

“Why? It's a stupid plan.”

“I think you are silly to think you could do it alone. But If I could get enough time out there with my tools and a little protection, then I think it might be worth a try.”

“But that could cost us a lot if it doesn't work, Engie!” Demo sounded winded over his comm. He was always running from something, though.

“But it could also get them off our backs. If we can sort out a good plan B in case things don't work out, then it could be worth it.” There was a silence over the comm. Scout was slightly perturbed that the minute Engie agreed that it was a good idea; nobody questioned his abilities, but for Scout it was waste of time and not a good plan.

“Couldn't we just do this after respawn closes?” Medic broke the radio silence. And then it seemed so clear. Fix the track when the BLU's weren't paying attention. That made so much sense it hurt. Scout laughed into his mic.

“Damn doc, you're a fucking genius.” Scout let the hammer fall to the ground, but this time he wasn't as upset about it. As he stood, he uncovered his scattergun from his bag and watched as Spy uncloaked in the corner. He quirked an eyebrow at the fallen hammer, but said nothing. Scout muted his headset and frowned. “What? I was improvising okay?”

“It is ill-advised that you keep secrets from your team, Scout. You know how these things work.”

“Yeah, bitches get moody and go through your personal files. I get it.”

“That was not what--” Scout watched a blue dot hover just next to Spy's face and then disappear not a moment later. He heard the crack in the air as his head exploded into mush. Scout fell like a rag doll to the ground, leaving Spy to cloak and him in his body. Scout might have sighed, if he could. His body began to loose body heat, blood began running across the dirt and seep into the ground. He could still feel his scattergun in his hand, he felt how uncomfortably he had landed on his bag. Something nudged his ankle, and he knew Spy was still in the room. Suddenly an unseen presence hovered warmly above his corpse.

“Sorry, ma petite.” 

\-----

Scout let the refreshing feeling of respawn wash across his bones. The first day he had gone to battle, there had been a rather huge disconnect when they had told him “Respawn will bring you back.” He had thought it meant that he would be teleported back if he was hurt badly enough. His seriousness back then seemed comical now. And nobody really explained to him what happened when they got brought back. It was just something that happened, and it took nearly a week for him to become accustom to the thought that death wasn't something that applied to them anymore, at least not during battle. 

Scout took a breath as he materialized in the spawn room. He was alone, as usual. He was killed most often, so this wasn't unusual. As he began to regroup and shook his limbs out to begin his sprint out, he heard someone else materialize behind him. Spy had a glum look on his face. 

“Got you too?” He empathized as Spy straightened his coat but loosened his tie.

“Mostly it was my fault. I should not have lingered.” Scout chuckled a little before he turned to leave. A gloved hand grabbed him before he got far, and Scout turned back, only getting swept up in an unexpected kiss. Spy's mouth was warm, his breathe warmer against his skin. Chaste and unexpectedly pleasant, Scout couldn't complain, and sunk into him further, before being left in a little bit of a haze as Spy lifted his lips. For two seconds, Scout was in a world of his own with Spy's hand wrapped around his wrist, staring into Spy's dark eyes. 

He hadn't heard another enter the room, but there was a rather loud clearing of someone else's throat behind them. Scout turned as Spy looked up and saw the medic open the resupply locker. He was very slowly retrieving a med kit and a few spare needles for his gun.

“I'm sorry.” He began slowly, “Was I interrupting something?” Scout knew he was angry, it was in the sharpness of his accent. 

“Non. I was just giving Scout here a goodbye kiss. Is that not something you do for somebody you care for?” Spy moved away first, his gait so full of confidence Scout couldn't believe that man could be real. He knew the situation just then! How could he act so calmly?

“Perhaps in private.” Medic snubbed at Spy as he watched the frenchman walk past. He glanced at Scout for a moment with a look that said there was more coming for Scout, and then turned to look over his other shoulder. 

“We were in private, monsieur. You were interrupting.” Spy sent Medic a pleasantly sweet smile before clicking a dial on his watch and cloaking on his way out the door. Medic fumed. He turned to look again at Scout, who stood like a child with his hand caught in the metaphorical cookie jar. But there were no words from Medic, although Scout had been expecting some. Medic could say nothing, because while he did not want to see Scout indulge in the affections of his other teammates, he also knew Spy was making a point. 

Medic turned his head back to the locker. He stared at the metal of the shelf inside, before glaring at his hands and clenching his fists as he made a final decision. When he looked up, he found Scout standing next to him, hands holding his gun behind his back, looking a little guilty under his worry. But before Scout could say a word, Medic turned, grabbing him by his shoulders and giving him an equally as chaste, if not more forceful, kiss to the runners lips. Scout moaned against him and melted in ecstasy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the more I read of my own fanfiction the less i like it. just ugh. 
> 
> I've started work on a ficlet featuring Sniper, we'll see how far that goes.
> 
> playlist - http://8tracks.com/shadeyrain/love-like-war


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